I'm actually beginning to wonder if my depression really is/was related to Seasonal Affected Disorder. It was brilliantly sunny and warm today and I don't think I've felt this happy in a long time. I just couldn't stop smiling all day, and I was productive too - read everything I had to for Latin American Studies, studied for my English quiz and actually re-read all of the poems. I came home, ate a healthy dinner and went to dance. It was a great class, we learned the routine to Everybody (Backstreet's Back) by Backstreet Boys - you all know my "thing" for BSB so I was quite happy, not to mention I already know most of the dance anyway. So I had the time of my life dancing for an hour and a half, then I took the time to go tanning. Yes, I know it's corny to have a fake tan and I know it's like ten times worse for you than real UV rays, but I look so damn good. I've been refraining from shaving my legs and "elsewhere" so that I can get it all waxed a few days before we leave. Sexy, sexy me, with my golden skin...all I need is to lighten up my hair a bit more before I leave and I'm going to kick Hawaii's ass. Wow, I'm in a really good mood tonight...
Someone commented in my guestbook that I didn't have previous/next buttons, and I almost said "Bullshit!" and then I realized - I don't. I could have sworn they were there when Sam and I first made this layout! The only reasoning I can come up with is that I didn't add them back in after I temporarily deleted my layout a couple months ago. So I tried to put in the code for the buttons tonight, and I got as far as making them work but I can't for the life of me make them center properly. I magically got the word "forward" to center under the entry somewhere along the road, but then "back" wasn't even showing up. I give up. If someone can help me, by all means.
Everything is just so lovely. I had a shower and used a new bodywash that smells so good that I swear I'm turning myself on. If I were a guy and I smelled a girl like me, whoo boy, watch out.
On another note, I feel a little jealous because Carmen is going to get her navel pierced tomorrow after school. Both Breanne and Jess have both mentioned they want to get it too, and inside I'm screaming nooooooooo. It's stupid because I know it was a trend and that so many girls my age have it done, but for a couple years I was the only one in my little "group" to have one, and that made it sexy and special. I always get so weird when I hear someone else got it done, it feels as if they've stolen something from me. I try to keep mine original because of this, and it is - everyone I know has changed to a barbell as soon as they can and it's almost always stainless steel with some sort of jewel. Mine has never been a barbell, and never will be because I don't like the barbell anyway - I love the ring. Mine is a 14K gold ring with a swirly baby blue/white bead, and it cost a minor fortune but it was totally worth it. It matches all of my other gold jewellery I wear and looks awesome against my skin and hair, especially if I have a tan. This is me attempting to assure myself that no matter who else gets their navel pierced, mine will always look the best. Take that.
I had bad dreams about Cody last night but I can't remember exactly what happened in them. Believe it or not, I actually remember them not being about Caroline at all, but about Kate - remember her? If you don't, I don't even want to get into it, read this one or this one, having been warned that they're very bitter and don't exactly tell the whole story. Just my feelings towards the girl. Perhaps someday I'll reiterate the story once again, or you can just ask me to through e-mail or another method if you're that interested. Too much to get into in this entry right now...
So she was in my dream as Cody's girlfriend and I ended up waking up around 4 in the morning very angry. I was swept back to November 2000 and I felt as if I were still a total fuck up. It took a minute or two to realize it was all a dream. I hate dreaming, I really do. I honestly wish I could have dreamless sleeps for the rest of my life. You know they always say be careful what you wish for - but I really do not see the harm in having dreamless sleeps. I've experienced more nightmares than an average person does in a lifetime I bet, and I think I would quite enjoy it and feel much more relaxed every morning if I could just...sleep. My dreams alter my entire perception of reality, so that I wake up and I actually think that whatever has happened did happen, or I am hurled back in time and I completely forget that I'm not at SFU anymore, and I haven't even spoken with Cody in four months. Sometimes I think I am a different person when I wake up, or I can't remember my own name and I don't know where I am. It just takes a minute, maybe even thirty seconds, but that thirty seconds of complete disorientation is hell. Give me dreamless sleeping anyday.
A broad range of topics for tonight. I shall get my pretty-smelling self to bed now, have a good night everyone.
<< || >>
