Cody is going out with Kate, fucking slutty bitch. I will kill her. I will kill her or myself. He can choose. Cody, choose which one of us you want to die! Choose! I have no problem with either solution. It's your choice, Cody, you fucking bastard. I hope you rot in hell. Fuck you. Fuck you, you fucking bitch I hate you so much.

Tonight I will drive around and get lost on purpose. I will drive around into all hours of the night and I don't give a fucking shit what happens to me. I don't give one little fucking piece of shit where I go, what I do, and what I plan on doing to myself.

I couldn't care less if blood is running down my arm. I fucking don't care if I fail school. I don't think I'll go to SFU next semester anyways. Fuck everything, fuck YOU fuck me fuck him fuck her fuck every fucking person on this whole goddamed earth. I hate you. I hate myself. I hate everyone. Fuck it all to hell.

I want to look pretty when I die. I'll go upstairs in a bit and dry my hair, get dressed, put on my makeup. I'll straighten my bed and my room. I'll put on some perfume and brush my teeth and I'll just the picture of perfection when they find me bleeding to death who knows where. Poor thing, they'll say...so pretty...why her? What a waste of a young pretty girl. Fuck them. They don't know shit. Nobody knows shit. All I know is I fucking hate the world, and everything fucking thing in it.

Yeah, I used to be able to love. I hate love. I hate life. I hate everything. I hate food. I hate sleep. I hate school, I hate people, I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I want to smash every mirror I see. Then I'll pick up the pieces of glass and use them to slice my arms. Just like Nancy and Katie use in the book I just read.

Fuck all the motherfuckers who pretend to care about me. Fuck them all. Fuck Cody and his bullshit. Fuck his "I love you Krista", "We're gonna get married", FUCK YOU. I don't have a fucking future anymore. I used to hope you'd be happy when I die. I wanted to die so that you could live a life free of me. I was sad. Now I am mad. I am so angry at everything. Life is a bitch, and I don't deal with bitches. I want to die to make you hurt, Cody. I want you to hurt. I hope you go to hell. I hope you fucking rot in the fire of hell, burning in pain and screaming for eternity. I hope one day, you'll feel suicidal, I hope your world will come crashing down around you, I hope you will not be able to sleep or eat. I hope your mind plays tricks on you, I hope you have horrible nightmares, I hope that everytime you stand up or move fast you get dizzy. I hope you have to take pills everyday, I hope you cry your eyes out into your pillow at night, I hope you thrash around in such frustrated anger that you punch your clothes and bedding and silently scream into your jacket that is lying on the ground in a heap. I hope you fall to the floor with such internal pain and feel as if you never want to move from that place again for the rest of your life. I hope someday your heart will be ripped out of your chest and smashed into a billion pieces and you'll never be able to mend it back together. I hope you will pick up a pair of scissors one day and run the blade over your arm with a quick, sharp slash, and you'll feel the scratch begin to rise into a swollen red mark, and maybe if you're desperate enough you'll slice instead of scratch, and tears will stream down your cheeks as you see the ribbon of blood begin to rise out of the wound and trickle down your arm. I hope you feel really hopeless right at the point, Cody. I hope you feel out of control. Most of all, I hope you think to yourself, Krista felt like this once before, and I didn't give a fuck about her. Maybe I should have helped her...but you know what Cody? It'll be too late then. I hope you feel it, Cody. I hope you are sorry someday. I hope everything will come back to you twofold. I'll come visit you in hell, Cody. I'll come visit you to LAUGH in your fucking face.

Have a good life, everyone.

~Krista


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