So, I actually feel like writing lately. I've been writing more in my real diary, and decided I needed some sort of avenue that allowed me to express myself faster and perhaps more coherently, so here I am online once again. I guess I do feel a little turbulence in my life, what with school actually coming to an end for me within the next 4 months. It's weird, this transition I'm facing. It's something truly new to me. I can barely imagine my life without the pressures of school work. I was an intense goody-goody student from kindergarten through high school, a not-so-intense one during my first couple years of University, but have resorted back to nerd status this year. I'm proud to say that I'm going into every one of my five finals with an A. I promised myself that if I ended with 4/5 A's at the end of this term, I'd recieve the reward of Felicity, Season 3 on DVD. Which I would have bought anyways, so maybe it isn't the most motivating reward, haha. Either way, I know I'll achieve my goal, because I do have other motivations besides things like Felicity and maybe another piercing (don't get excited, nothing crazy - I just want another helix one!). Anyways, I want to keep the grad school option open. At this point, it might acually be possible.

The boyfriend is still good, though with my looming graduation and his not-so-looming one, I am starting to feel a little...I don't even know. I guess I want more, which is a stupid and irrational expectation. I think that I always assumed that after graduation I'd get a decent job, move out, and bada bing bada boom I'm married and pregnant and yay, life is great! But then there's reality, which doesn't exactly allow for such a perfect sequence of events to happen. I'm getting way too ahead of myself. I know he's thought of marriage before, so it's not like it's a completely alien territory.

Maybe it's that I've never really imagined what may just be the next phase of my life - being independent. I never pictured myself in a situation like this: graduated, job, living on my OWN, not engaged. Wow, writing that out makes it sound even crazier, but it's true. I kind of skip that whole phase in my mind. I like to jump straight from being done school, to being financially stable, married and starting a family. The whole being on my own bit, I'm really not too keen on. In fact, it frightens me to death. I understand it would be great for me, but I can't help but think, why would I waste a few years of my life when I could be married?! Haha. God I should have been born in the 1950s, so that I could already be on my way to becoming the quintessential house wife.

Anyways, in real life I am not completely delusional and do realize that my boyfriend isn't anywhere near ready to consider even living with me right now, so I'm not going there. I guess I just plan on working at the restaurant through the winter, where I'll make good tips. I've been looking up a bunch of Europe packages too, because I do have places I want to see (namely Greece, Spain, Portugal and Morroco). There's one of those Contiki tours called "Road to Morroco" that you can easily pair with a Spain trip, since they're so close. I don't know how I'm going to bypass Italy to get to Greece, so may as well go to Italy too and make it a Meditterranean adventure. This is my pipe dream of the moment, and God knows my mother would forbid me to do it alone, so...until I find a travel buddy, I'm only dreaming at the moment. Ideally, travel buddy = boyfriend, but since he's still in debt from Australia/Thailand...not happening.

We got a hot tub installed, and I'm about to go in it. It's pouring rain outside and 6 degrees. I'm going to do some thinking.


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