I've been really sick for over a week now so I think it's time to go to a doctor. Though today is the best day so far, it still isn't great. Still coughing up God knows what, still stuffed up, still not sleeping. I can't sleep anymore, my body wakes me up after 4 hours and doesn't want to fall back asleep.

I've been thinking too much, about Cody actually. Some weird things have been happening in that department, things that have frustrated me to no end and caused me hours of analyzing the situation over and over until coming to realize what I knew in the very beginning - I can't do anything more than what I've already done to change the situation. What goes on from here until the end of time is in his hands, it's between him and his girlfriend, both of whom I have no control over. That is life. This needs to end.

I've been asked out by a few different guys in the past month, which feels strange. I turned them all down, yet I did head on over to one's house to make out for an hour and then refuse him sex, much to his disappointment. The bad habit, the Kevin habit. I wasn't trying to tease him...the problem is that I really want him to like me for more than a play thing, and he doesn't, and he won't. He knows I want something real and he uses me. It kind of sucks.

I'd be happier if I wasn't so sick right now. This has gone on far too long. It isn't normal to have such a bad cold for ten days, is it?

I've been making a fair bit of money working two jobs at once. I also got word yesterday that I'm secured for sure with the preschool starting July, and I get full-time hours and possibly a raise. I will be working three jobs for 4 weeks this summer. I don't know how to deal with it. I will cross that bridge when I get there. Right now I'm concerned about the fact I still have two shifts I need to switch for next week that I haven't dealt with yet, not to mention I haven't exactly told one of my managers that I'm going to Montreal in a couple weeks.

I really miss all of you, I miss writing in here about my daily life...I keep telling myself I'll get back into it. I wish I knew a way to keep it private for all of you who read it, but away from the public, without having to actually lock it.


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