I enjoy things more now because what used to be mundane has now become a rare treat. Like going out to coffee with an old friend I haven't talked to in ages. Once every couple of weeks sharing a rhubarb crisp with whipped cream, oh the forbidden calories. Sitting here alone, in silence, and loving the silence. Being able to reflect on my life...on him...on if he likes me or not, I can never tell. On if he really does like girls with short hair, if he is as innocent as he seems to be, if there is even a slight chance he thinks I'm pretty.

I'm not stressing about him, just enjoying the fact I actually like a guy, and that my ex has become so irrelevant to my life. So very, very irrelevant.

Even when I'm dead tired I feel more awake than I've ever felt. I don't care so much about little things, I'm going to school with my hair in a ponytail, my glasses on and just having way too much fun being myself. I'm feeling the wind on my face and shivering in the cold, my hands swell up and turn shades of purple stapling posters around campus. My muscles get pulled, I have bruises on my legs and paint on my shoes and jeans but I love it, I love everything I'm doing.

I say I hate the cold but I believe I have actually become immune to the wintery outdoors. I can walk the 15 minutes from my car to class every morning when it's 1 degree outside and I hardly feel it anymore. I find I actually look forward to the cold, crisp air on my face, blowing my long hair into tangles. I can sit here at my computer with the window open freezing my ass off - can barely feel my hands - but there's something comforting about the cold now. I don't feel so enclosed anymore, I am a part of the world around me. I got out there, I did things...and it has proven to be just what I needed.


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