I'm in the mood to ride the bus.

I'm so fucking skinny. I've hit my Grade 12 weight now and I want to drop a couple more still. I tried on clothing tonight instead of studying. All of my summer clothes that looked like shit on me last summer because I was too fat. I marvelled tonight at how tiny my waist is, how my hips have just shrunk. It's incredible how easy it is to change your body if you just stick to it.

So I tried on my short shirts, mini-skirts, summer dresses and jean shorts I could barely even zip up last year. I looked so hot I couldn't even believe it. I had bought this skirt a couple months ago, really short cute beige skirt - Size 1-3. Didn't fit me at the time but it does now. That skirt paired with my black chunky sandals and black sleeveless shirt...I could possibly be the hottest girl alive. Then there was my skanky baby blue shirt that cuts off a couple inches under my boobs - the one I wore to my birthday last year. Remember it? Cody told me I looked like a slut when I wore it. I was about 12 lbs heavier then than I am right now. That same shirt with my stretchy navy pants with baby blue stripes down the sides, and my white chunky sandals - I must have stood in front of the mirror for twenty full minutes admiring myself. I envisoned summer activities I'm going to plan just to make use of these new outfits. Kits beach and then going to dinner on W4th after. Theatre Under the Stars. Shopping downtown. Camping trips. I can wear shorts again and not feel disgusting.

I'm having a minor spazz about the fact that I completely lost my ass. I had the ultimate "booty" kind of ass, big and round, I swear I was famous for it...but with losing weight that of course means toning up everywhere and that in turn means my ass has shrunk a lot. I'm sad about that, seeing as it's my best feature on my body...but people have tried to convince me it's still nice, just a different kind of nice - I don't know. I've considered this in full detail, trust me, and it's led me to the conclusion that I think I'd rather keep my toned up hips and thighs and sacrifice a little bit of the ass, instead of gaining back the ass and consequently also gaining back flab on my thighs. It makes sense in my head.

So vain, so obsessed, so satisfied.

I feel so in control of everything in my life.


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