I've lost about 15lbs so far, and the past two weeks have rocked. I may be calorie obsessed and I go to the gym at least 4 days a week for 2 hours at a time, but it's giving me what I want and so I'm happy. It's interfering with school but I'm happy. I think I deserve it, and while school is important (very important, actually)...I think that this is okay still. It's not the end of the world. This has been my week from hell so I'm cutting myself a little slack.

So my new diet food obsession is meal replacement/nutritional supplement/whatever you want to call them bars. I'm officially addicted to Vanilla Crisp Power Bars, and they're only 222 calories and keep me full for at least two hours. So I have a Vanilla Slimfast shake around 7:30am, then I have a low-cal yogurt and some fruits/vegetables (grapes, celery, banana, whatever I feel like) around 11pm, around 1pm I'll have one of my bars and a glass of water or milk, and then I have a light dinner. It doesn't seem like a lot but I'm not starving at all, actually I feel really great! All this time I was just thinking I was hungry when really I wasn't. And today I discovered an amazing new bar called GenSoy - 229 calories and 14g of protein with a Chocolate Mint flavour. Usually I stay away from the chocolate ones because fake chocolate makes me want to gag, but this one honest to God tastes like a real Chocolate Mint candy bar. I'm such a huge fan.

I'm still getting used to the counting calories thing because sometimes I'm unsure of how large the portion is (I have no concept of ounces/grams/cups, etc) and it's a real bitch to go out for dinner. I have a going-away party for a friend next week and we're doing all-you-can-eat sushi (a true Vancouver favourite) and I've already calculated exactly what I'm going to eat so that I can partially hide the fact that I'm a diet freak while still eating a normal amount of calories in a sitting. It's only in the last 2 weeks I've really cracked down on the calorie counting and as a result I've lost another 2lbs just like that. I had this huge revelation last week that my entire mindset on losing weight was totally askew (that's a word, right?). I'd always think like, "Hey I went to the gym yesterday and worked out so hard, so it's okay if I have McDonalds today", or "If I just have some fries today it's alright because I'm going to the gym tomorrow". So wrong on so many levels.

I'm only slightly concerned about one thing, and that is the fact that this is an obsession and my goal weight has changed about 5 times already. I started off thinking, okay, I just want to break 130, then I'll be so happy! When I did that, it was okay, I want to get below 128. Then below 125. Then below 122. Now below 120...

So when does it stop? It's an addiction. But it feels so good.

<< || >>