The good news is that I didn't remember that right away like I have in the past. I saw the date at the top of my entry and I did think, 17th, that's our day. But when I read it over again I realized it was the 17th of November - the one special 17th of the year. And even after I thought that, it felt a little foreign - I had to run it by myself one more time to validate that our anniversary was in November, and not some other month.

I always wonder if Cody realizes it and thinks of me, or if he's completely forgotten. Either I'm insane and he's normal, or I'm normal and he never loved me. Either way, it doesn't really matter, does it? In reality these last three paragraphs have been completely pointless.

I guess that since I've already wasted precious analytical thoughts on Cody I may as well keep going. My friend's birthday party at a club is coming up not this Friday but the next and so far on the guest list there are three of his friends I dislike, but not him or his girlfriend. I find it odd that those guys would go to a birthday party for Cody's friend without Cody being there, so I don't know if Cody just hasn't signed up yet, or if he actually isn't going. I waited for a week to even write my own name on it, and explained to my friend that I'd be going either way, I just had a complex. What I was doing was waiting to see if Cody and The Bitch signed up first, but they didn't, so either they're really not going or he was doing the same as me and waiting to see if I was going first, though I think the latter is pretty unlikely seeing as he seems to not give two shits about me.

However, his girlfriend may have not wanted to come if I was going to be there. I didn't even consider this possibility until I discussed this in length with a friend (and I do mean in length - imagine sitting down with me for two hours and analyzing just this situation) and she pointed out to me that she'd seen his girlfriend at another function I hadn't been at - and the difference between the two situations was huge. She said that The Bitch had been a completely different person without me being there - loud, bubbly, friendly, somewhat obnoxious - but recall when I was at the same party as them on this night, and how she acted - reserved, only talking to Cody and their friend at the table, sticking to his side like glue, putting her arm around the back of his chair protectively, staring at me. My friend told me that the difference between the way she was without me there, and the way she was with me there was "so insane I can't even describe it to you". This got us thinking that if I were going to the club, The Bitch wouldn't want to come - she's scared of me. Recall my excitment about me being "the threat"? I forgot about that. If I'm still a threat, that's pretty damn cool.

(Does it not comfort all of you girls out there with boyfriends that his ex-girlfriend is calling you The Bitch and hoping you die? Sometimes I feel bad representing the notorious crazy ex-girlfriend.)

Of course this is just one theory, though. I decided after moping for a week and crying a couple of times that I was going to go anyway, because I love her and she's one of my best friends, and it doesn't matter who the hell else is at the club. I can stay away from them if I need to. I just need to look really hot and bring a guy with me that nobody knows. Working on it, and working on it.

I watched another Sex and the City tape last night and a couple of episodes really hit home. Season Two, when Big and Carrie see each other at the Hamptons and attempt to be friends after their breakup and he tells her that he's engaged to Natasha. Carrie's reactions were so realistic, and I loved one of the conversations she had about it with her friends. First of all, she refused to call her by her full name and instead referred to Natasha as "the idiot stick figure without a soul" throughout, much like my "The Bitch" tendencies, and when she did try to accept the situation and call her by her name, there was a brief silence afterwards and then all four of the girls were like, "Natasha, what kind of name is Natasha", "It's a bullshit name is what it is", "Bullshit" and then Carrie's like, "Oh I know, it's pure bullshit". I don't know, maybe it's my twisted relation to Sex and the City but I thought that was so perfect.

I've kind of forgotten where this was going and it ended up being a bunch of babble. The way my mind works. Do I think too much?

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