I've felt very down for a little while. I can't pinpoint why exactly, maybe partly because I'm having a mini fight with one of my best friends, but it's not even a fight it's just my assumption that I think she's a little pissed at me, and it's just a little, but at any rate it's bothering me. It's that I haven't seen my other best friend in a while, and that school is stressing me out, and that I haven't felt very pretty lately. As stupid as it is and as much as I don't want to think about it or care, I just feel like I don't have a pretty face. I have no idea why. There just always has to be something wrong with me according to my poor chemically imbalanced brain. First it's that I'm fat, so I get obsessive, and I lose a few pounds and feel artifically happy about myself for a week, and now I'm not so much concerned about my fat but about my face, which is more of a downer actually because how do you change a face short of plastic surgery. You can't, really. I thought I was cute, but I don't know. Why don't I have a boyfriend?
I hate thinking about this, I hate writing about this, I hate everything to do with this but sometimes a girl just can't help falling into the "I don't have a boyfriend because I'm not pretty enough/good enough/smart enough/cool enough" trap. It doesn't completely wreck me, but it does affect the mood for a day, or a week, or two weeks depending on the severity. I'm not gonna cry about it...I don't think. I felt my eyes tear up slightly on the ride home but it may have had something to do with Avril's "Tomorrow". It always strikes a strange cord somewhere, as I drive home in the pitch black, cold, cold night. I don't know how I feel...tomorrow, tomorrow...I don't know what to say...tomorrow is a different day.
My horoscope in the paper says that this is a favourable time for contacting an old love.
I think this may just be PMS. I'm going to give it another couple of days.
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