I've been meaning to write in here for a couple of days now, but my life has been busy, between school, work, my grandfather going missing and Thanksgiving. Don't worry, Grandad is fine now. My grandparents had a huge fight over money issues while in Mexico and he literally packed his bags and left. Just got up and left her in Mexico, saying he was going home. Thank God he was actually on one of the flights home. He has alzheimers and it just could have been a really, really big mess. So this past weekend has not been a happy one for me. One of my good friends also left to live in the UK, so I was sad about that. I went to mass with him and ended up crying through almost the entire thing, and then when he kissed me goodbye I just started crying again...and I got home to get ready for Thanksgiving dinner and my Mom is still spazzing about my Grandad and everyone is calling our house every 2 minutes...it was chaotic. Luckily my Mom and her sisters met him at the airport and he seemed fine, making me think he had probably forgotten he'd had a fight with my Grandma in the first place and was wondering why he was back at home. Meanwhile, Grandma's calling from Mexico every 1/2 hour bawling about them getting a divorce, Mom's trying to calm her down and tell her they aren't getting a divorce...meh.

This won't be long, I just had to come here to tell everyone that I puked. It's 11:30pm and I just got up to go to the bathroom and I started puking. It was disgusting, it was like my entire dinner too. I haven't done that in quite a while, puked when I wasn't sick with the flu or anything. I don't feel flu-sick at least, I think I just ate too fast or something...but that was like...5 hours ago. On the upside I suppose I just saved myself calories?

I have a midterm tomorrow. I've studied for about an hour, which isn't too bad but I could have done more. Maybe I still can, now that the sick feeling has passed.

I had tons of dreams last night, so many dreams. It felt like I was dreaming for four hours straight, when really it was probably a few minutes. The first part was sort of irrelevant, it was about me calling into the radio and trying to win the contest of the moment but I couldn't understand the DJ or something...it was the second dream that again followed my "classic" dream storyline. My dreams are all the same fucking story, just change the setting slightly! It's actually starting to bother me.

This time I was at Masquerage, this Halloween party at a big club here. I was the DD for my friends and I was feeling really tired and wanted to go home, but I couldn't because I knew they were having fun and wanted to stay. Masquerage wasn't at the Rage like it should have been though, it was a house party. I was sitting on the top of a couch with K beside me, and I kept trying to lean against him or put my head on his shoulder but Cody (not Cody Cody, Cody this lifeguard who I work with) was sitting on the cushion of the couch leaning against my legs, and in some way it was preventing me from getting closer to K (in short, it was sort of this twisted "love triangle" thing where I wanted K but couldn't quite get to him the way I wanted because another guy was in the way). So I was on that couch and then right in front of me is Cody, as in Cody Cody (is this confusing you yet?). Cody was looked sooo cute and he was dressed the same as a whole bunch of guys there, collared white shirt and black pants. We caught each others eyes and then I tried to get out of the position I was in on the top of the couch but lifeguard-Cody wasn't letting me through. I got really mad at him and told him to get out of the way, and by then Cody was gone. I wandered around the party and saw Cody again, and tried to talk to him. He said "hey" and that was it, ignored me completely...then I started up the "Why can't you even talk to me, why do you hate me?" deal and he said he didn't want to talk to me anymore. I got really depressed and I wandered outside, and outside there were all these mountains and rivers and trees. I saw J and S and I was walking towards them but I felt so tired and depressed that I just wanted to lie on the ground. I went to lie down but then J was screaming at me not to, because it was quicksand and I'd sink. The next part of the dream is kind of a blur, but it was very trippy, like I kept looking up and seeing these mountains and large pyramids all lit up in crazy colours like neon blue and yellow, and I tried to hide behind one to lie down, because I didn't care if I sunk into the quicksand, I just wanted to disappear...finally J and S found me and they were really worried, and trying to carry me back into the house, and I kept saying, "Cody's such an ass, I don't understand why he can't even talk to me, I mean what is his problem, I thought he said he wanted to be friends..."

I wish I could stop dreaming about him. I really need another guy, so that I can finally take my mind off of Cody. I sometimes think that I only dream about him because I just don't have anyone else to fixiate my thoughts on besides him.

Tomorrow I'm taking my camera to school because I was completely taken aback on Tuesday. The campus was breathtaking, it was gorgeous. I wanted to capture every single moment in my memory and never forget it. When I get the pictures developed, I will show you all what I mean. It almost, almost made me love autumn again.


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