I haven't had a good day. Work was shitty. I could curl up in bed and cry, but I won't. There's something inside me I can't escape. I started writing last night about how much I miss my old car, and I broke down. Maybe it's the time of year, maybe it's my hormones. I've been reflecting a lot on the last couple of years of my life, and though I'm at a much better place right now...there's just something that is bothering me about everything. I can't pinpoint what it is exactly.

Sometimes I think that it's that I feel emotionally void. I had so much passion that compared to now, I feel so indifferent. It's hard to change so radically over a relatively short period of time. I don't forget the way I used to be, but I have a hard time remembering exactly how it feels inside to be that way. When I think back it's as if I'm watching a movie in my head. I've disconnected myself from that time in my life, and I think it actually saddens me. Feeling as if I'm supposedly "improved", I'm "okay", "normal" even. I don't always know who I am anymore.

I despise this time of year. The dark nights of fall and winter make me want to run away.


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