- Beautiful campus. So green, so clean
- I totally fit in with the student body, both looks-wise and attitude-wise. I feel like I actually belong, which is so unlike my SFU experience
- I sat between two hot, nice guys in American Lit, one of which is an old friend from softball's ex-boyfriend who I haven't seen in at least three years. So I have friends!
- There are lots of squirrels. I really like squirrels, have never understood why, but I do
- There are lots of places to sit and study outside
- Lots of cute guys
- I feel a little more familiar with the campus

Those were my positive, happy thoughts for the entry, just so that this entire thing isn't downright depressing. I had the worst first day of school ever.

It all started last night. I slept for maybe 4 hours last night total, just because I was so, so nervous. I fell asleep around 12:30 which wasn't too bad of me, but then I woke up around 4 and literally tossed and turned until I had to get up. I fell asleep for maybe 10 minutes in between, and in those 10 minutes I had a really bad dream that I was laying in bed at night and someone or something I perceived as being "bad" was at my window, whispering things in a spooky voice to me. And they were weird things, like "don't cry" and "shame". I was trying to figure out what the voice meant and I remember thinking that I wanted to ask whoever was there, but I was so scared to even move a muscle. Then I woke up, and I was totally freaked out. That was around 5 am I think.

So I didn't sleep well, then I got up and showered and got ready for school. I seriously almost puked three or four times while getting ready. I mean I didn't just feel nervous, I actually almost barfed, like I ran to the bathroom to do it and everything.

All the while, my dad was taking in my car to get serviced at 7:30am because my stupid mother booked my appointment at that time, first day of school. I was so, so mad at her for that and we had a screaming fight a couple weeks ago about how I didn't want to drive a rental car I wasn't comfortable with to UBC, didn't want anymore stress on my first day, etcetera, but she won and I agreed to keep the appointment on that day. We came up with a plan that my Dad would take my car in early and bring me back the rental car so that I'd have it before 8 to leave.

I was ready to leave at 7:45 and I was getting excited thinking I'd have lots of time to get there, but soon enough 8:00 rolls around and my Dad still isn't home. Of course this isn't helping the nervous breakdown situation any, so I phone his cell and ask him where he is and he says he's on his way home - on River Road, which is quite a ways away and like the TOTAL roundabout way of coming home. I was like, "Ahhh Dad hurry up!!" and he YELLS, "Okay, OKAY!" and hangs up on me! My father hung up on me! I was totally apalled and so pissed off at him. He was home about 10 minutes later and as I rushed out the door he goes, "There's not enough gas in it, but I didn't stop to get any because you made me panic". I was like, shit, but didn't have time to get gas or anything either, so I just left. Traffic was HORRIBLE, I mean really, really bad. I didn't get to UBC until 9:20.

My first class started at 9:30, so I was close to the parking lot at 9:20 and knew that I was going to be a couple minutes late for class, but decided that was okay and I'd still get there. I'd planned out exactly what lot I was going to park in and knew how to get there - but only there, nowhere else. Just as I pulled up to turn left into the lot, the cops blocked it off! This cop car comes and parks right in front of the turn off! I was like, what the fuck. It looked super full and busy anyway, but I didn't really know where to go after that. I got into the other lane and kept going, by now freaking out, then saw a sign to turn into a different lot. It was all full, and so was the next, and eventually I found myself following this other car that I thought knew where it was going, but apparently didn't, and to make a long story short I ended up back on the UBC highway heading out of UBC entirely. It was 9:30 by then, so I obviously wasn't making it to class.

I had to go all the way back down the highway until I got to a road to turn around on. I was totally bawling and soooo mad that the one thing I'd prayed wouldn't happen on the first day - being late or skipping my first class - actually happened. I tried really hard to regain composure and drove back, this time going into the furthest parking lot there was and parking there. It was insanely busy everywhere and even that lot was almost full. By now I'd completely given up on going to my first class at all so I took my sweet ass time. My coins got stuck in the ticket machine and a girl had to use her key to poke them in for me. I got mud all over my good shoes. I was just really miserable and mad and felt like shit for missing my first class of the year at a new school. And I had to walk a long, long way by myself.

The next part wasn't so bad. I got my agenda and found my second class, waited for that, all the while wondering how much I was missing in my first class. But in English, as previously stated in the list, I sat beside Brian who I haven't seen or talked to in forever, and this other cute guy who was totally checking me out, plus he made a point to come in and sit right next to me (the desks were really crammed) when the entire middle section of the classroom was practically empty. So that made me happy, plus that class only lasted 20 minutes. She handed out the syllabus, explained that the reason Emily Dickinson wasn't on the outline was because she hated her (grrrr - that's practically the reason I'd taken the class!), and that was it. So that gave me a little hope that maybe my Linguistics class I'd missed had only been like 20 minutes long too...

I'd planned to meet Tami in front of my building at 12:30, but now I was out at 11:20 with nothing to do. It was really sunny and warm, so I sat outside writing in my journal, which was nice - until I started getting really bad cramps. The weird thing is, I'm actually on the third day of my period, and up until today it'd been really light and I'd had all the PMS symptoms besides cramps. I thought I was just having a light period this month and had bypassed the cramping, but...no. The sweet irony is that this morning I'd actually considered taking Midol at one point, then thought, nah, figuring that the funniness I was feeling was just the nervous-puking thing. So I was sitting there and all of a sudden I was getting such bad cramps that I really felt like I was going to die. I didn't know what to do, I didn't have any medicine on me, and I kept feeling like I had to run to the washroom even though I knew I didn't really have to go, it was just the pain and sensation of it...you girls know what I mean. It was the kind of cramps that seriously have you in the fetal position on your bed in tears, cursing the medicine for not working until it finally does half an hour later, or you're on the toilet and just bent over feeling like you're going to die and just thinking, "okay, okay, breathe"...those kind of cramps.

So I was sitting there dealing with it naturally, and it was hell. I just kept writing in my journal, "CRAMPS WILL PASS. CRAMPS WILL PASS." I felt like a total mental case. Then I tried reverse psychology on myself and tried to trick myself into thinking I was really happy by writing about how my entire morning was actually really funny and how my uterus is such a bitch, and that I should give it some kind of bitchy name to refer to it as from now on...and it actually kind of worked. The psychology I mean. I started to feel happier, even though I was still going through waves. It's so weird when you can actually feel your uterus contracting like that...contract, pause (sweet relief for a minute), contract. I can't even imagine what labour feels like.

I kept myself as occupied as I can. I looked through my new agenda and wondered whether or not I could go to the UBC Hospital and ask if they had any Midol, or if they'd think I'd lost my mind. After an hour I noticed I was feeling slightly better, and it was almost time to meet T. So I felt better again and waited...waited...waited...

I never did meet T, even though she was apparently right there. According to the both of us we must have been no more than 20 meters away from each other at all times, and walked by each other too, and still not seen each other. I don't know how that happened but for the next three hours I was so lonely. I saw a couple people I recognized from random places, like they'd gone to my high school for Grade 8 and 9, or I'd played softball against them, but that was it. I had to wait until my field hockey meeting and I had absolutely nothing to do. So I went to the bookstore to see if my Spanish stuff was in, and low and behold it actually was. So I waited an hour in the bookstore lineup.

While I was in the line though, I started to get a really bad sore throat...I mean really bad. It started at my right tonsil and went all the way down the right side of my throat and up to my ear. I felt soooo sick and standing for that long in the heat and noisiness of the building didn't help any. I decided after that to find the field hockey field, and finally did about 45 mins early. I layed on the grass in solitude reading my new Spanish text, and again I felt so isolated and weird. There was nobody around, it was almost eery, I didn't feel like I was at school at all. I didn't even know if I was in the right place or not, I just saw an artificial turf and decided that must be it. I was still feeling really sick and my tonsils and throat were so sore I couldn't swallow anymore without a lot of pain.

Eventually, a pretty girl walked by me with field hockey equipment and went onto the field and sat. A couple of minutes later another girl did the same, with even more hardcore expensive field hockey equipment in fancy stick bags. I felt really intimidated and didn't have any equipment with me, but I knew I must be at the right place so I got up to go say Hi to the girls, and just as I was approaching them and about to open my mouth, they both got up and left! Like didn't even acknowledge my presence. I seriously almost cried right then, I was just so frustrated and sick of waiting and didn't know what the hell was going on. A few minutes after that the coach pulled up and he was super nice, said Hi to me, asked me where I was from and who I was. Then he asked where my stuff was, and I said I thought it was just a meeting, not a practice...and he said, "ooooh, JV, right". I guess the Varsity team was practicing at the same time, and those girls were Varsity, hence the equipment and everything. By now there were like 7 or 8 girls standing around all athletic looking and I was leaning against the fence with my Spice Girl-esque suede platforms, jeans and tanktop. I felt so out of place, but the coach really was nice and took down my name and number. Then he said, "There's a game this Sunday that supposedly our JV team is playing, but we don't have a JV team yet. Are you in?". I was shocked and like, "Uhh...yeah, I can play", even though that's in like 5 days and I need a new stick first, plus I haven't practiced in a really long time and I'm going to suck and be seriously out of shape. Nevertheless I guess I'm excited about it. I don't know a single detail though, he said he'd call me...don't know the place, the time, what I'm supposed to wear...

T was supposed to be at that meeting, but she wasn't there either, so I signed her name and Steph's too and left. I was walking away when I heard, "KRIS!!" from way far away, and it was T on her bike. Then we caught up with each other and she walked with me to my car and things were alright.

So that was pretty much my day, which wasn't a very good one, and I still feel really really sick. My earache is getting worse and I can't swallow anything, plus I'm still angry at my Dad and angry that I missed my class and just...not a happy girl.

I'm so glad I don't have school tomorrow, I need a day of rest. UBC totally kicked my ass.


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