My dresser has three wide drawers and they are supposed to be highly specific - first drawer is socks, underwear, bras and bathing suits. Second drawer is pajamas. Third drawer is the athletic wear like sweatpants and shorts, that I only wear to the gym or when I'm bumming around the house. All three of those drawers are packed to the brim with new stuff - I end up shoving a lot of pajamas into the first drawer, making it too stuffed, so that I can put extra shirts and tank tops into the second drawer, and the third gets extra t-shirts and some skirts if they fit, plus I put a box of make-up and hair products I hardly use down there.

Mom wants me to clean out my closet this summer and throw away all of the stuff I don't wear or use anymore, but I have such a hard time doing that. My problem is with pants. I have a lot of pairs of pants. That being said, I just bought another pair of jeans from Sirens today and they're so cute and make my ass look awesome. I need more pants right now because I've finally reached the point where I gained enough weight to go up a size. Nothing fits. I already popped the button off a really cute pair of bright blue pants I love, and I broke the zipper on a jean skirt trying to get it over my hips. Throw them all away? I want to lose a little weight anyway, so theoretically I should fit into all of those jeans again in a couple months, right? I always want to keep everything, just in case...just in case I do fit them again, or just in case I buy something that matches that particular shirt and it looks good on me again and...you get the picture.

Alright, I admit there are some things that could go. My white Tommy Hilfiger baby-T I've had since 9th grade has seen better days. My black stretch pants stopped fitting me halfway through senior year (damn birth control), and I seriously doubt I'm ever going to be 105 lbs again so I think it's pretty safe to kiss those goodbye. I could rid myself of select items, but in general I like most of my clothing. Even if it only gets rotation once a month or so.

Yesterday I "found" my black pinstriped pants that are relatively new and I've only worn once. I just completely forgot I even had them. It was especially exciting because they still fit me. I also found a pair of shiny silver platform sandals - a little tacky, but I could pull that off with a dark jean skirt.

I'm always afraid of sounding like a ditz when talking about things like this, but I remind myself constantly that I am not a ditz. I'm intelligent, but I know what people see when they look at me. I'm blonde, cute, I wear trendy clothes, match everything down to the barettes in my hair and I like a lot of pop music. I appear to fit the stereotypical "Like, oh my God! I love N'Sync soooooo much!!", and it's not that I mind looking like that (I think it's pretty obvious that I enjoy playing it up) but I hate when people assume that the only things I care about are clothes, makeup, boys, and N'Sync. And trust me, it happens a lot. It doesn't help that I can still pass for being in high school.

My mother is a shop-a-holic so maybe it's genetic, or I modelled her and I really couldn't help that. I had a feeling it would happen. Sometimes I feel like Cher in the movie Clueless, aside from the fact that she really is pretty dumb. There is just that one scene, where she's really upset and Josh says to her, "go do something fun...go shopping", and she looks at him and says, "So that's all you think I am, just a ditz who likes to go shopping". That's not a direct quote but it's close enough.

It's like, if I want to talk about shopping for a while, that doesn't mean it's all I think about, or that it's a high priority in my life and everything revolves around shopping for Christ's sake.

I find it really funny that it seems like it's always the alternative anti-preppy anti-society type people who end up categorizing everyone and labelling me as something I'm not, when they're the ones who claim to be going "against the mold" and rejecting conformity, rejecting labels. How many times have I tried to explain to people that being like that is a trend in itself...

I think I started this entry off with the intention of eventually stressing to myself that I really need to stop spending money. I shouldn't be complaining about car payments and insurance and tuition when I blow my paychecks on clothes.

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