Today I did something I haven't done in a very long time, and that was curl up on the couch in my pajamas, with mounds of blankets and pillows and watch a movie. I had an appointment with a surgeon this morning, to discuss getting my wisdom teeth taken out this summer (uuugh), and it was at 8:15 am. After sleeping for about 5 hours, I got up to go to the appointment and I haven't been able to fall back asleep since. I'm home alone all day now if I'm not working, so I took the opportunity to get back into my pj's and watch the tape of Moulin Rouge that I borrowed from my cousins. One of my good friends left today for Ireland. Her plan is to live there for a year and see what happens after that. She might come back, she might not. It's possible that I may see her in a month or two, or I may not see her for a couple of years. Once it hits me that she's really gone, I'm sure I will feel quite strange considering we had two classes together last semester and we've become pretty close over the last year. I expected to cry last night when saying goodbye to her, but I didn't. I did cry when writing her card, though. Getting all sentimental with the "If you ever need to talk to someone, you can always call me..." type of thing. I tried to keep it as low-key as I could while still getting the point across, because the truth is I've been very worried about her lately, and so have all of her friends. She's obviously depressed, but she won't admit it. She has a messed up home life and she's just too proud to admit that there is something wrong, and that maybe she needs to talk to someone. She's always been the strong one in her family, and I know that she feels ashamed. I'm worried about her leaving the country for so long without any friends over there. I get the feeling she thinks that by leaving, she's just going to escape all of her problems, but how many times have I learned that there's no way to run from problems...they always, always come back to bite you in the ass.
Just a couple of nights ago, I tried to talk to her, because it was obvious she was extremely upset. We were having a little girl get-together type thing at J's, just talking and eating (the night of the taco seasoned popcorn, actually). After S asked her, "So are you okay tonight?", she absolutely burst into tears and then wouldn't tell us what was wrong. I really tried to help her, but I didn't know what else I could say...I was trying to be so careful, not to say the wrong thing and make it worse, and I really, honestly tried...but all she would say was "I don't want to talk about it" and "There's nothing you guys can do". I tried it all, telling her that even if we can't solve the problem, that talking about it with your friends sometimes helps a lot, bla bla bla, but nothing worked. So now she's gone off to Ireland, so all I can hope for is that if she decides that she does need help, she'll talk to me about it and won't let it eat away at her until something even worse happens.
I'm feeling better than I was a couple of days ago, I think. I've been praying.
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