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I think I'm healing
April 22, 2002 12:30 p.m.

Thanks to everyone who signed my guestbook and/or sent me an e-mail in the last couple of days! It's really lifted my spirits.

Yesterday I was in a lot of pain. It was worse yesterday than any other day so far, plus I can actually feel the burn now and it's starting to heal and sting and itch like crazy. Before I could really only feel the muscle and shoulder pain and it was as if I didn't even have a burn across my chest. Now that the muscles are warming up a bit, oooh boy can I feel the seatbelt burn. It's pretty gross. I've been putting Polysporin on every day and it's been oozing and doing some other fun things.

I'm so worried about Hawaii. I really, really want to go but if I'm still in a lot of pain, how will I be able to? How am I going to sleep every night? It's been so hard to sleep because I'm forced to sleep on my back, which I find really uncomfortable. Last night I slept really poorly because whenever the burn on my chest was exposed to the air it would itch and hurt a lot. I had to get up around 1 in the morning and get a tea cloth and put the ice bag across my chest just to cover it up. It hurt a lot less that way, even though the ice pack had warmed up and wasn't frozen at all anymore. It's so difficult to pull my shirts on, and I can only wear little tank tops that aren't too tight, but are low-cut and have skinny straps that bypass the burn, so I don't have a big selection to choose from. If I'm still in pain in a week when I have to leave, I mean...how can I go? Unless Jess and Steph want to help me get dressed and do my hair every morning...

I'm trying to stay really positive though. I'm a firm believer in the mind being a powerful healing tool, so if I really think I can get better in a week, I know I can. I'm a strong girl. I'm surviving. Watching way too much TV, I must say, but what else can I do. Mom bought me Seventeen, US Weekly and Teen People magazines yesterday and I read all three of them cover to cover in an hour. All I can say is thank God it's a weekday again, because daytime television on the weekend is really shitty.

I need someone to do a library run for me. If I could find the perfect position to lean a book against a pillow and flip the pages with my left hand, I'd be very happy. Today I'm a little excited to be getting out of the house, even if it is for the meeting with the insurance people to talk about the accident. Maybe while I'm out and I can convince my dad to stop by the library.

I'm trying to decide if my shoulder does feel better today or not, and I think it does. Yesterday after having a shower I cried trying to get my shirt on because it hurt so much. Today I've been all alone, as my parents are at work and my brother at school, and I've been okay. I got dressed and even went downstairs, got a bowl of soup from the fridge and heated it up. It still really hurts and I'm still holding my arm across my stomach (as if it should be in a sling), but I think it's a little bit better. And the burn is healing. Something in my shoulder keeps popping back and forth, but it doesn't hurt when it pops. It only hurts if it's popped forward for a long time, because I feel like I need to pop it back. If that makes any sense.

Perhaps I will update later. I need to eat some soup and attempt to brush out my hair. I'm so proud of myself because I actually put on a bra today, mind you it's strapless, but still. It counts!

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me.




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