I've been feeling very dizzy today. I couldn't sleep last night because my brain felt as if it were spinning and swirling around and around. I know it's the drug the doctor prescribed to me on Saturday; a very strong antibiotic that has the possible side effects of nausea, dizziness, lightheadedness and unsteadiness. Good times. Feels exactly like being on anti-depressants.It's been an odd day overall, actually. Everyone's life besides my own seems to be one on-going drama. One friend is having problems with her boyfriend. Another's ex is back in the picture and she's all confused about her feelings for him again. One is finally admitting that he's pretty sure he's gay and that he wants to come out very soon, which I think scares us more than it scares him. There is so much going on around me and I feel as if I desperately need to fix everyones problems, but there's no way to fix anything. They're not "let's have coffee and talk about it" kind of problems, they're open problems, up in the air sort of confusions that only time will bring to resolution.
And I am sitting here with my cat in my lap, wishing that my own ex-boyfriend would magically reappear, no matter how much I don't want to be thinking that way. Logically, I know I don't want that, but it's like this sick spell that washes over me once in a while. Fantasies that someone will tell me that him and Caroline have broken up, and that somehow we'll start hanging out together and it'll become this fairy tale romance...ex-boyfriend turned best friend turned boyfriend again.
No, I thought we were over this.
I know that I am over this, at least in mind. The heart, I don't know what's wrong with me, it's just one of those days. Whenever I feel sick I become really pouty and I crave physical comfort. I'm convinced that this is all it is, and I'm sticking to it.
I also feel very stupid today. While on the phone listening to everyones problems, it struck me that the entire conversation revolved around the other person describing intelligently what their analysis of the situation was, while I said, "yeah", "uh huh", "oh my God". I'm usually not that inept at conversation, so I'm also blaming this on the sickness. I'm in such a fog and that really isn't an exaggeration. When I was doing my hair this morning, I must have started to fall forward at least three times.
I really need a hug, and preferrably from a male. I'm not feeling down on self-esteem or anything, I actually think I've been looking pretty hot lately. But sometimes on nights like these, I get the feeling that I'm going to end up alone. Just me and my cat.
I had a dream that my cat died a couple of nights ago and it was so upsetting that I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep.
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