I don't know what to do. The last thing I want to do is abandon this site, because I have over 300 entries and such a detailed account of my entire depression. It starts around the time Cody and I were starting to have problems, and then our breakup, and through the entire healing process and spiritual awakening. I can't just leave it. It may sound crazy, but this online journal is a part of me...

I've been thinking of my options. The easiest thing to do would be to lock it - then I could continue to write under the same name, and anyone who happened to find my link would never be able to access it anyway. But I really hate to lock it...I really hate to. Nobody else would ever be able to read it, because they'd never have the password and never have access to my e-mail to ask me for it. It almost defeats the purpose of having a Gold Membership. There's the possibility that I'd be bumped off of the rings I belong to, because most rings prohibit locked diaries from joining. Same goes for the clique - I wouldn't allow for someone to join the clique if their diary was locked, so my very own diary can't be locked!

Kim is emailing her friend to ask him if there is any way to somehow eliminate my link from search engines - if anyone else reading this knows a way, please please please let me know. Otherwise, I could spend a hell of a long time copy/pasting my design and every single one of my entries into a new diary under a different name. I'd have to harass Andrew to let me change my Gold Membership over, and all of my banners that have already been submitted would have the wrong address on them...

I'm at a loss. I could start a new diary, where the more personal things could go, and leave this one for poetry or something. Not that I write a lot of poetry to begin with and need a separate page for it.

Whoever keeps finding my diary under "angel stars krista" or any other means of search, can you please tell me who you are? If you're not someone I know, then I will rest a little easier. Just sign my guestbook and let me know if you've been using a search engine to find my diary. If I don't recieve any response about it, and I still find that people are searching specifically for my diary, then I think I'm going to have to lock it. Then comes the task of giving everyone I trust their own names and passwords to access it.

I just don't understand why my diary, of all sites on the web, comes up so high on the list for so many different searches. Kim and I were experimenting with it last night, seeing how easy it would be to find my diary. The simple search for "krista diary" - not specifically diaryland - gives you the link to my diary on the second page. If you get more specific in saying diaryland, or especially my user name, it comes up the first or second link. I tried this with a few other friends on Diaryland. I tried it with Sam, who I know has a Gold Membership as well, and I couldn't find her link anywhere. I tried "sam diaryland", "samantha diaryland", etcetera...only when I typed in her exact user name did her diary come up...so Sam, before you start freaking that someone looked up "sampoet56", don't worry that was just me.

Maybe I'm just being totally paranoid about this, but I'd really like some kind of reponse. If you're reading this and you found my diary through a search, or you have before...please let me know, I'm begging you. Even if you are someone I do know, tell me...don't make me do this...

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