It's been a very weird day. I was so tired this morning I couldn't get out of bed until I had just fifteen minutes to get ready, but surprisingly I made it to school on time and went to my classes. I came home, watched the end of ER, made a little bit of lunch and then felt this really awful wave of sickness. So I got in my pjs, posted a note on my door saying "I'M SLEEPING" and proceded to fall asleep. I slept for 3 and a half hours, having a series of very strange dreams. In one I was making cranberry juice, in another I was part of Whose Line Is It Anyways? and there was another about being in a gang, but we were being filmed for a documentary, so it was like...I was watching a movie of myself in a dream. Finally, my mom woke me up at 6:30 p.m. asking if I wanted any dinner. I felt completely disoriented and I mean badly disoriented - my head was pounding, I was dizzy, thought I was going to be sick. I couldn't remember what day it was, what time it was, even where I was. It actually sort of scared me and I wondered if I was coming down with a really bad flu or something.

I got out of bed and ate a tiny bit of dinner, drank a lot of juice, asked my dad if he thought I had diabetes (because it actually runs in my family and I'm constantly paranoid about being diabetic) - he said probably not, but I'm still not convinced because I honestly feel really ill. I'm a tad better now, but something isn't right. Maybe I'm just PMS'ing, which is entirely possible.

I should be going to bed, but now my sleeping patterns are screwed up. I also didn't do any homework, which I am going to regret tomorrow. I wanted to get things done before Saturday, so that I could avoid the whole killing-myself thing on Sunday, but that's now looking to be unavoidable.

So I realized that maybe I do have a mild obsession with Britney, and what's more is that I really do not have an explanation for it. I don't think she can sing and I don't think she sends out a good message to young girls, but that isn't stopping me from thinking she's cool and wanting to copy her clothing and eye makeup. I think she's gorgeous, a great hip-hop dancer, and you all know my popstar fantasies. I watch the Popstars series like an obsessive freak, because I've always wanted that gig. When Brit first came on the scene, the first thing I thought was, that girl stole my job.

Even if she can't sing that well, I do like her music, not all of it but some of it. I can hardly explain why I feel this need to defend Britney Spears everytime someone says they hate her. I think that it is because she defines everything I've always wanted. This isn't to say I'm totally devoid of self-esteem - I'm not saying I'm obsessive over looking exactly like her or anything. It's really hard to explain and I don't fully understand it myself. At the very core of it, I think she's hot. I've been analyzing this for a couple years - why am I so fixiated on this female popstar I think is hot? Am I bisexual? After some "interesting" experiences this year (we'll leave it at that for now) I'm fairly sure I am not bisexual, so what the hell is up with Britney?

I'm proud that I can dance her "Baby One More Time" video, anyway.

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