This morning I was referred to as a "regular customer" at the Subway across from work. It was flattering and disgusting at the same time. I feel dirty and I don't know why...it's true I have been eating at Subway 1-2 times a week (sometimes twice in one day, like today) for the last nine months or so. I probably generate 15% of their total business for crying out loud. On top of that, I'm even more "regular" than regular because I order the exact same thing every single time, without fail. But it's not like McDonalds, right? Subway can be healthy, provided you don't go nuts with the mayonnaise or caesar dressing. My sandwichs are always less than 9 grams of fat but I still feel creepy for some reason. This morning I asked Sasha (oh my God, I know the employees by name) how much the juice boxes were, obviously blind to the big sign beside them saying JUICE BOXES NOT FOR SALE, ONLY FOR KID PACKS, THANKS!. Sasha said, "Well they aren't for sale, but you can have one for free because you're a nice, regular customer". I think time froze right then - I'm a nice, regular customer at a fast food chain. I feel so sorry for myself.

However, later in the day when I had an expired buy one sandwich and Snapple, get a second sandwich free coupon, Jessica and I ran back over to the damn Subway and got away with using it even though I know the chick saw the expiry date. So maybe I can take advantage of this "regular customer" thing.

I basically spent my entire day at work, so I don't have any very fun stories to tell, plus I fell asleep around 10:30pm last night. No partying this weekend, but it has felt good to relax and have some alone time. I've been doing a lot of thinking.

One thing I've been thinking about aside from the issues with my friends is how I've been feeling kind of low on self-esteem lately. I think I gained a little bit of weight because everytime I see myself full length in a mirror I do a double take. I feel so, so fat! It's one of those stupid things where I know I'm not fat but I still don't look the way I want to look. Here I am saying this, sitting on my ass eating mini Twix bars and drinking coffee with two sugars, but anyway.

I think it's time I devised a healthier eating plan and started to work out to a routine that actually targets the areas I want to target. If I can actually tone up a bit and even lose a few pounds I'll feel so incredibly motivated. And when summertime comes, my inflated ego will return, and everything will feel relatively normal again. I hate being down on myself, and I've felt that way all week. It could be simply because I've been wearing sweats, not doing my hair or makeup, etcetera so I'm just feel all over sluggish. But I think the body image has a lot to do with it. I may not be fat, but the point is that I feel that way so I need to do something about it instead of sitting here being depressed because I don't look like Britney Spears.

I guess this is the end of going nuts with eating whatever I want. I love food so much, but I need to cut back the unnecessary stuff - like the extra sugar in coffee. I stopped drinking pop for Lent and that's been going well, so I've been drinking a lot more water and juice and I can really feel the difference. I'm sure it's purely psychological but you never know - may as well keep it up past Lent if I can.

A close friend of mine is planning on finally losing her virginity to her "boyfriend" next month, but a few things have me suspicious. First of all, the reason I put boyfriend in quotations is because they've actually only seen each other maybe five times. She met him in Prince George, BC (waaaaay north) on a basketball trip about a month ago. They talked for a while at a club, started making out, exchanged e-mail addresses and that was it. Since then they've e-mailed each other and he's called her from Prince George a bunch of times, and then he came down to visit her last weekend. They went on a couple dates and fooled around a lot - a lot for a girl who's a virgin, never had a boyfriend, and with a guy who she hasn't known very long. So next month she's going to meet him at some cabin his family owns and stay the weekend with him, alone.

So the point I was trying to make was that she hasn't known this guy for very long, not nearly enough time to establish a good relationship. I know she doesn't love him, and he doesn't love her. She says she likes him a lot and I believe her and I'm happy for her but...I really want her first time to be special! Two other things make me suspicious - when they first met at the club, he had just gotten out of a five year relationship, plus he told her that night what he liked about her was that she looks exactly like his ex-girlfriend! That has BAD BAD BAD BAD written all over it in black permanent marker.

I can't exactly change the situation though, it's her decision and I'm happy that she likes this guy. She's a smart girl and she wouldn't do something like this without really thinking about it, and I know she has. I'm just having some kind of intuitive bad feeling about him, but what do I know. I don't exactly have a clean history when it comes to choosing the good guys, do I?

Anyway, we're all having fun teasing her about getting her freak on.

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