I feel discouraged today, and very vulnerable. My emotions are running wild but I have carried myself quite well nevertheless. I've felt this desperate need to cry my eyes out for the last couple days, but I just can't seem to find enough tears. Everything just builds and builds, until I feel like I am on the brink and I can finally find release, but it doesn't come. So I had a stressful day and it's normal that I'm feeling a little sensitive. I slept for about four hours last night, and then went to work until I had to leave straight for school. My classes were boring and I was so tired I was falling asleep, not to mention hungry because I didn't have time to eat lunch between work and school. When I came home today, I collapsed on my bed and I felt tears come to my eyes briefly, but it went away before I could choose to cry or not. So I sat up, read an article for history and did my assignment for it, ate a little bit of dinner and then typed out the rest of my fictional letter for my essay that is due tomorrow morning. I still need to edit it big time, put in quotes and actual research and do the bibliography. Somehow, I just don't really care anymore.
I know I was so psyched about going to California in May, but lately I've been thinking about Montreal instead. I really do love California and I want to visit LA again very soon, but Montreal has a few very big pluses. First of all, it's a part of Canada I have never seen, and I believe it is my duty to visit every province of my own nation at least once. Second, it's French and I would love to speak French again and immerse myself in French-Canadian culture. I'm legal in Canada, I'm not in California. Montreal is one of the party capitals of the world. I would be spending Canadian currency, meaning it would probably cost half of what CA would. It's also a very Catholic city that has beautiful cathedrals and a lot of historical monuments. Montreal's looking up, but at the same time I have a place in my heart for Los Angeles, and sunshine...beaches, palm trees...
I'm in the mood to light a candle, listen to some soft music, close my eyes and drift off into some sort of spiritual state of mind. This is day 59 of the Anti-Cody campaign.
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