I don't know why this still bothers me but it does. I called Shannon to ask if she wanted to go to the movies with Jess and I tonight, and she said she was "having someone over". I said, "Someone? Who's someone" and she said, "Uh, John". I asked who the hell John was and she said she met him at SFU. I asked what she was doing at SFU and she said that her and Jordan had gone to some pub thing there a few weeks ago. I felt slightly sick and said, "Oh, to see Cody?" and she said "Yeah, he was there. That's why we went". Fuck, I don't even care that Shannon is on to boyfriend #37895697 and gets picked up wherever she goes. Why do I care that she went to see Cody? Nobody told me about anything happening at the SFU pub. But it's not like I'd have gone. I shouldn't be expecting people to tell me Cody-stuff, why would they start now after a year of keeping every goddamned thing a secret from me. I really shouldn't care about this, but I just feel like I want to scream and hit walls now. I hate him, I hate him. No, that's the problem, I don't hate him at all. This is driving me totally crazy, knowing my friends still talk to him and don't care what I think.
I feel so immature. I just want to scream at him, you stole my friends. None of my girlfriends knew who he was until I started dating him. They're all friends with him through me, and now I'm the one getting ditched. Okay I have to put this in perspective. Nobody ditched me, I know that. It's just...uuugh. When I heard her say "SFU", I felt my stomach drop. I hate that feeling.
I'm going to see A Walk To Remember with Jess and Breanne. I heard it was good, but a really huge chick flick that will make me cry and want a boyfriend really bad afterwards. Great, that's all I need right now. I already feel like a desperate loser. Why doesn't anyone love me...
This really should not bother me, this whole Cody thing. Why is this upsetting me? I'm talking to myself, trying to calm myself down. I don't need to be upset about this. It really isn't a big deal. I really don't care if he was with his girlfriend there and she stayed overnight at his place, nope I don't care. It doesn't matter, because...it just doesn't. I haven't talked to him in over a month, and that's only showing him how independant I am now. I can live without him. I hope he knows I don't need or want him for anything. He can do whatever the hell he wants to. There's no way I am going to call his sorry ass. I'm being strong.
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