I've been wondering if boys really, truly feel the same range of emotions that girls do. Do they? Honestly. I'm not trying to be anti-male precisely, I'm just thinking that maybe it isn't their fault that 99% of them are insensitive jerks. Maybe there is a biological reason for it. Has it ever been proven that males are incapable of feeling some specific emotions? Or maybe they feel them but don't process them in the same way, so that it doesn't sit in their conscious mind or something. There has to be an explanation as to why most guys don't get upset as easily. It can't all be a macho complex, can it? If so many guys out there are holding back their feelings, why isn't everyone going totally crazy? I can't hold my feelings in for more than 5 hours before I blow up.

I don't have much to say, aside from the obvious. It's just one of those bad nights. I wish I could cry and be sad for real, but I can't, I'm too numb.

I can't wait for the Britney Spears movie to come out. Don't make fun of me for liking Britney Spears or I'll kill you, and I mean that. If you watch the trailer for her movie Crossroads, the first scene they show of her singing around her room to Madonna - wow, that could be me. I mean I could have videotaped myself and pasted it over Britney and it would look exactly the same. I guess I'm not the only girl in the world who dances and sings to Madonna in her underwear.

I'm starting to work on the clique instead of writing the essay I should be writing. Hello, procrastination.

Here's something. I've never understood girls who want a little artsy wedding in a field with an un-traditional wedding dress and ten people present. I mean that sounds cute and all, but I plan on going all out. I want a huge wedding in a really nice cathedral, and I'm going to invite every person I've ever known. I'm going to wear the most beautiful shiny white dress, and my hair is going to be long and down with a little curl to it and baby's breath in it. And I'm going to have an old fashioned veil that goes over my face, so that when my husband goes to kiss me he'll have to lift the veil. And it's going to be held by a tiara of very small white roses.

The wedding will be in the afternoon, and then the dinner/reception will be later in the evening so I can go home and change. I'll wear a super hot dress for the reception, something that's tight and long and has a low back. It will be in a really posh place, like 4 Seasons or Hotel Vancouver. The food will be really really good Italian cuisine, lots of good wine, and then we'll dance, and my bridesmaids will surprise me with an slightly embarassing slide show and everyone will be all drunk and happy. And then my husband and I will go back home, and he'll carry me into the house or apartment, or to the bed, or whatever kind of "carrying me over the ________" works for our living situation, and we'll spend the rest of the night making passionate love. And that will be my wedding day.

All I have to do now is find a really good guy, preferrably one who's rich enough to provide me with that wedding, get him to fall in love with me, and my life will be complete.

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