I'm going to stop right now to warn you I have marijuana in my system and this will probably turn out fucked, even though I think I'm being super funny and I'm laughing at myself, but anyway. I forget what I'm writing about.

So we were all thugged out, and I was in my wannabe-Latina mode where I wanted to shake my ass (because it's so round and nice! Have I ever mentioned how I have the nicest ass in the world?) Anyway, the point I was trying to get to is that we couldn't find Christina anyway so we couldn't start a bitch fight, and so we decided to go back to Shell's, smoke some weed, listen to some hip-hop and just chill. This was me, Shell and Lindsey, who leaves to go back to school in a couple days. Wah.

Things got pretty messed up, we were tripping out on everything, and I somehow ended up with TAFFY EXISTS! written in black felt pen across my hand. I know I'll never, ever remember what TAFFY EXISTS! means until the next time I'm stoned...what's that saying? Stoner highs recall stoner times? It's so true. I never remember little things that happen when I'm ripped. Like I'll be in 7-11 and completely forget about a certain chocolate bar or whatever...but the next time I'm in 7-11 ripped I'll go straight to it and remember that I had some sort of experience with it and I'll pick it up and scream OH MY GOD! And it's just so great!

I sound like a complete idiot don't I...I think I'm still pretty stoned...I'm sitting here at 2 in the morning, eating a Subway sandwich and laughing to myself about nothing, and listening to stoner music. Uugh, when did I become such a drug addict?

No no, I'm definitely not addicted. I don't smoke pot that much, and plus...come on, it's Vancouver BC. If you know anything about Vancouver and its surrounding cities - Victoria, oh I'll even give it Seattle - you should know that it's like, marijuana capital of North America, maybe even the world. Everyone in this goddamned city smokes weed. Weed probably grows in our fields.

I really think that if you're going to do any drug on this entire planet, marijuana is by far the best one. It should just be made legal already, it's probably healthier than alcohol is. I always think about it this way - how many times does alcohol make you do things you regret? Your judgement goes totally out the window...women are battered by drunk husbands and all that. What if all them smoked weed instead of used alcohol? Seriously, how much better would that be? Instead of getting rowdy and oversexualized and just all...you know, drunk, instead everyone would be happy and giggly and eat a lot of food and occasionally trip out on things for long periods of time. Where is the harm in that? I think the crime rate would drop in a big way.

I hate this feeling. Like I'm finally realizing how I don't even care about drugs anymore. I mean it never goes further than weed, but still. I used to care about how much I was doing it, and I'd regulate it, making sure I'd go a whole month or more without and everything. But now it's like I'm immune. It means nothing to me. It used to be something fun and new and cool, and now it's just like...expected. If I'm going out with that group of girlfriends, there's a 90% chance we're going to smoke up later on. It's utterly bizzare, because we're cool girls, too. You just would never expect me to be like this if you were to meet me in real life. I'm this preppy blonde cute girl who cares about school and all that. You would just never guess that I'm this incredible bitch that listens to heavy hip-hop and wants to get into fights.

I remember this one time I drove Mike somewhere after school. It was his first time in my car, and when I turned it on the CD player came back on and it was full blast on this song Notorious Thugs by Biggie (a song I love! Download it now!) and Mike gave me this look and was like, "You listen to rap?!"

Everything thinks I'm such a good girl. It's so much fun to have this secret life.

Now I just have to write out the lyrics to this part of Notorious Thugs that Anna and I always sing:

We just sittin here tryin to win, tryin not to sin
High off weed and lots of gin
So much smoke need oxygen, steadily countin them Benjamins
Nigga you should too, if you knew
What this game will do to you
Been in this shit since 92
Look at all the bullshit I been through
So-called beef with you-know-who
Fuck a few female stars or two
Nigga, blue light, nigga, move like Mike, shit
Not to be fucked with
Motherfucker better duck quick, cuz
Me and my dogs love to fuck shit!

Okay, I really should go to bed soon so I can get up early enough to cover up this embarrasing diary entry.

I was just thinking that my new boyfriend is going to have to be aware of my two sides. I don't want him falling in love with the good-girl side of me that he'd most likely see. I can't lead a totally secret life like that for long, and I would never lie to a boyfriend about smoking pot. If he were ever doing shit like that and not telling me I'd be pretty pissed off (don't even ask, I don't know why). So I need to find a guy who accepts that I'm not always good. Or, on the other hand, maybe a certain kind of guy will like the bad-girl side and have to accept my good-girl paranoid side.

I need to stop talking now. Muah.


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