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christmas and princess syndrome
December 20, 2001 5:28 p.m.

Wow, Christmas made me happy today?

I'm quite content. Spent the entire day by myself, doing Christmas shopping for real this time. Somehow, it was...peaceful. I had such a good time picking out presents for my friends. I found some really perfect gifts, so perfect I almost want to be there to watch their faces when they open them.

This is quite bizzare - me getting excited about Christmas related things. I have this huge smile on my face, going through all of the gifts I just bought. I feel as if I want to stay home tonight wrapping presents, drinking eggnog and making my Christmas cards for everyone. I think I'm losing my mind. The decorations and music and lights have invaded my brain and done some re-wiring.

Last night was like some sort of blast-from-the-past girls night out. Just Shannon, Megan and I, going out for belinis and appetizers, then renting an ultra-girly movie and gushing about it afterwards. Except this time, we didn't need any fake ID. I thought maybe it'd be weird to hang out with just the two of them again, but it was rather comfortable. We're growing older, growing apart, and maybe we don't have as many things in common to discuss anymore but...I think there will always be something there. Friendship doesn't just magically disappear, no matter how many times I think it does.

So we watched The Princess Diaries. If you know me, you know I am rather obsessed with that movie. I was so incredibly happy to watch it again, and of course I cried at the end and declared loudly how I was going to be a princess one day, like I always do. The thing is, nobody understands how dead serious I am. I fully intend on tracing my lineage back to royalty, moving to England, meeting William, using my womenly charms to seduce him, and bada-bing, bada-boom - next time you hear from me I'll be living at Buckingham Palace, baby.

So maybe the chances of that happening are pretty slim, but honestly, I must be heir to the throne of some distant country. It's in my blood, I can feel it. I am destined to rule. I guess that being Will's princess wouldn't really give me much "rule" anymore, would it? Whatever, I'd be just as happy being a trophy wife who gets to wear a tiara and prance around looking pretty doing charity work. So much for feminism.

This last week has pretty much been a big party. Now people want to go clubbing again tonight, and I keep thinking, No I really shouldn't...and then I remember, why the hell not? It's not like I have school the next morning. I can be as hung over as I want to be for the next couple weeks. Plus it'd be a good excuse to see Kevin tonight, if I can beg Kate into calling him.

I'm am such a wimp! It wasn't until Cody and I broke up and I was single again that I realized I am so...wimpy! I can't even call a guy that I know likes me and I like too, just to say, "Hey, you wanna come with us to the Coyote tonight?". It's not like I'm even asking him to go with me specifically. It's just like calling a male friend and asking if he wants to go clubbing. Why am I unable to do that?

New Years this year will be interesting. Cody's going up to the mountains with his girlfriend, Shannon is probably going to a club with Graham, Lindsey will be in Australia, Megan is working, and I heard a rumour that Shell and Danny are actually going out somewhere just the two of them - which she has yet to inform me. And it's very important she informs me, because her, Anna and I made plans a month ago and she knows that. I bet she's too chicken shit to tell me because she knows I'll be super mad at her, but the longer she's putting off telling me, the worse it is getting. I'm not going to even ask about it. If she chooses to back out on me at the last minute, that's her decision, and then I'll have every right to be mad. So I'm just waiting for someone to tell me what the hell is going on.

It felt so great to be walking through the parking lot today, heavy with bags of presents, and the air smelled crisp. It was so cold that my fingers and cheeks went numb during that quick four minute walk, and the sun was shining was so brightly that I had to squint.

I think that no matter how much I complain about the city I live in, I really do love it. It's a matter of pausing for a moment and really looking around, seeing happy people, green trees, an ice blue sky and inhaling some of the cleanest air in the world. It's then I think, you know, I am really fortunate to live here.




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