It was one of those really long continuation dreams, where one thing just kept happening after another, so even if I'd wake up for a few minutes and fall back asleep, things would pick up roughly where they left off. It was all centered around a party at my house, which at times wasn't my house at all, it was Shannon's house or garage, or our high school, or some unknown vacinity. The part I remember the clearest was finding Cody in my kitchen, alone. He was making the food, and asked if I wanted to help him. So of course I said yes. He handed me a cutting board that had a bunch of half-rolled sushi on it. I started to roll one piece but I had no idea what I was doing and somehow I screwed it up, and laughed. Cody got super mad at me and yelled, "What you doing?? You don't know how to make sushi?!" And I said, "Uh, not really, I've never learned how". He was acting all Cody-like about it (I'd have to explain exactly what he's like for anyone to understand that), rolling his eyes like, "Oh my God, you're so stupid". He said, "Give it back to me", and I said, "No, I can do it, look I just did this one!", and showed him the new one I'd made. He still said, "No, give it back to me now, before you screw it all up" and I said, "No!" and he started throwing a fit and insulting me, so I started to cry, picked up all the sushi and threw them in his face. He stormed off in one direction, and me in the other.

I know that sounds super funny (can't you just picture me throwing sushi?), but if you'd felt the anger associated with it, it really wasn't that funny.

After that dream, it switched to some desert where Cody was getting ready to leave, putting all these bags into an old, dusty white pick-up truck. There were a few other people around, I guess friends that he was leaving with. It was really hot outside and I was squinting my eyes because of the sun. I went up to him, expecting him to push me away or something. I said, "I'm really sorry I threw sushi at you, I didn't mean it" and he said, "It's okay". He was looking at me softly, and came closer to me. We hugged, and I nestled my head into his neck like I always used to, and we stood there for a few minutes. Everyone was watching us. I whispered to him, "I miss you", and he pulled back a little. He looked into my eyes, and started to lean forward like he was going to kiss me...

And then my phone rang, waking me up. I really believe that was a blessing from God, because if that dream had continued any longer I would have been a lot more depressed right now. I hate those happy-ending dreams more than anything, because you wake up thinking, "Yes! I'm so happy! My life is back together again!". Then you realize a minute later he didn't actually tell you he loved you, and that he'd made a horrible mistake, and that he wanted to be with you forever. All in your head, my dear.

After realizing I'd been sleeping for over twelve hours (I feel so much better, health-wise at least), I decided to evaluate my dreams using a different approach. Under normal circumstances, I would have layed in bed for a long time, missing Cody, possibly crying, and basically cursing the beginning of my day.

But, my final for Psychology is largely on the methods of therapy, which I am really interested in since I'm a former therapy-case myself. I was reminded of Sigmund Freud's psychoanalysis, which includes dream analysis. Freud believed that dreams are symbols for the hidden conflicts deep within our unconscious minds. So instead of dwelling on Cody, I'm thinking that according to Freud, Cody in my dreams isn't really Cody at all - Cody would represent someone or something else in my life, most likely an event that occured during my childhood. Freud would tell me that I don't love Cody at all, that I am only using the defense mechanism of projection to project feelings and emotions on to Cody, because I have an inner conflict that my unconscious mind is desperately trying to repress so that I don't feel the real pain of it. Cody is an easy scapegoat for my mind to project everything on to, because he is a significant person in my life and is readily available for use in my conscious mind. I'm not in love with Cody at all. I'm just really messed up on some other level that I am entirely unaware of.

I don't necessarily agree with most of Freudian psychology, I just thought this was an interesting perspective to take on the situation.

Blake and I are going to look at rosaries in a couple hours. I have the perfect present in mind for Shell for Christmas, but who knows if I'll actually find it. I think it's going to be one of those things that only exists in perfection in your mind - you know, like the perfect dress that nobody actually makes. Is it a sin to make your own rosary?

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