I am so nervous about Friday. I am just really not in a clubbing mood, at all, in fact I don't think I could be in less of a clubbing mood if I tried. I just feel like renting some movies with my girl friends, hanging out in my sweats and bitching. Quality girl time. I don't want to go at all, but...it's her birthday, I already said I would, I even volunteered to drive (so that I really cannot get drunk. Wasn't that very good of me?). I can't back out now, but just...bah. And now she has got me all tripped out...on MSN saying, "What time are you gonna be home tomorrow?" and I was like, "I dunno, afternoon-ish" and she said to call her sometime during the day...It must be something important if I need to call her, she must have something to tell me, and if it is that Cody is coming or anything to do with Cody I will freak out at her so badly. That is not something you wait another day to tell me, you tell me ASAP. So now she has got me sitting here all worried that he actually is going.

I need to breathe, and forget about it.

Okay, I just told Shannon, "I'm so worried because Megan bla bla bla etc - is Cody going on Friday?", and she said, "No. Get over it Kris."

This is why some people are hardly my friends anymore.

I'm making myself upset over stupid things. Well, they're not "stupid" in my mind, but I just don't need to be stressed right now. I won't be stressed if I don't make myself stressed. I just realized that a month ago today (no, wait, a month ago yesterday?) is when I found about Cody and the bitch, and then at that point it had already been a month or more, probably more, yes definitely more that I hadn't known about it. That is another whole fucking month. I'm so pissed off. I want to kill her.

No, I don't want to kill her. I'm past the stage of wanting to kill people (ahem). I just want to...hmmm...break them up in a really devilish way so that she cries a lot and feels completely worthless for a really long time, like I don't know, over a year. Of course if she accidentely died for some reason, I wouldn't exactly be sad, but...

I am going to stop thinking about this right now, right at this second.

Wait. I have to relate my life to at least one of my favourite TV shows on a semi-regular basis, so today it is Ross and Rachel. Today's re-run was the one where Ross is trying to decide whether or not to invite Rachel to his wedding with Emily, and most of the episode is flashbacks of his history with Rachel. My favourite Friends era was the Ross and Rachel era, by the way. But I digress.

Ross and Rachel are Cody and I. Okay, not really, I don't live in an apartment with my girlfriends and he doesn't live close by and hang out with me 24/7 and we didn't break up and get back together and break up again, and really we're nothing like Ross and Rachel, but just hear me out on these few details: Ross and Rachel were great together in the beginning, until they started to fight, and so they were on a "break", and Rachel walked in while he still had a girl over from the night before, and she freaked out. She had come over to ask if she could be his girlfriend again. How much does that mirror my whole walking in on Cody and refuse-to-say-her-name-hope-she's-dead thing, when it was our anniversary and I was bringing him a letter and little present thinking we'd get back together? And then, Ross got mad at Rachel for freaking out because it was a "break" and therefore he was allowed to be with someone else, but obviously he wasn't (grrr), and that was just like Cody..."Krista, we broke up"...yeah, two fucking days ago you idiot! That is so not allowed it isn't even funny. That should actually be against the law, you should be arrested for that. If I were Queen...oh, the laws I'd create.

I feel as if I somehow had more to say about the Ross-Rachel thing.

This whole three hours of sleep thing is starting to become really painful. And I never did do that cast list, did I?

Oh! I may be a reviewer with Sam at DreamReview. More details on that later. I don't really know much about it myself.

Speaking of dreams, I had a dream last night that I was living with some guy in a shack, and that we had no money but we loved each other so much that it didn't matter. We were hiding out because a war was going on. He got drafted to go to war, and we were both crying and holding each other and I was begging him not to go, to stay with me instead. He had to go, and so he did, but before he did we had sex and after he had left I found out I was pregnant...it was all very complex.

Sort of sounds like a movie. I could almost write a really good short story about that.

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