I drank too much last night. We had our "pre-birthday celebration" for Lindsey. It was fun, but I'm not feeling so hot right now. We were experimenting with a lot of weird mixed drinks, so I can understand why. I really hate alcohol, it's so depressing. Everytime I drink, it is super fun for a few hours, but as soon as I start coming down from it, I start thinking about Cody and usually start to cry. Blech. Not to mention I spent twenty minutes laying on the bathroom floor this morning thinking I was going to puke. That's always fun.

I feel void of emotions today. I could probably stare at the wall for an hour and not care.

I want a boyfriend, but I don't think I am ready yet. I want to make sure I really am over Cody. Shell told me yesterday that she doesn't want her ex back at all, that he could show up at her door with three dozen roses, crying and she wouldn't take him back. I have zero comprehension of that, so I'm thinking I am far from that stage.

The Bitter Ex's (Exes? Exs? Bah) Club is going to go through some problems when one or two of us end up having boyfriends. What will happen then? There is going to be a really awkward stage at some point in time. Being super depressed about our break-ups is what brought Shell and I really close, and it's really the only reason I ever met Anna. Once we lose that bond things are going to change. But realistically, it's not as if having a boyfriend equals a perfect life. I think we'll just have to make some adjustments, you know, like from the Bitter Ex's to the We Hate Our Boyfriends.

I can't wait to go to church tonight. It feels like it has been far too long.

I just zoned out for a few minutes and now it has all hit me. I miss him so, so much. I wish I could hop in the car right now, in my pajamas, drive to SFU and knock on his door, and just hug him. I need his arms around me. I just want to feel him against me, press my face into his neck and cry.

There has got to be a way to get him back still. There has to be. I wouldn't love him so much if it weren't for a reason. I am not giving up on this, I just need a new plan of action.

Please, please God...bring him back to me...


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