There's a certain comfort that comes from smoking pot. This sounds crazy, even to me, but it reminds me of my strength. It reminds me of this summer, when all I wanted was to get over him, get better, have fun with my friends, smile and laugh because I was truly happy. It wasn't until I started smoking that I started having fun again. I'm totally capable of having fun when I'm sober, of course. But it just reminds me of good times, friendship at its finest. Having a shitty day? Been crying for eight hours straight? Just talked to your ex? No problem, it's [insert day here] night, you're going to smoke up with your girls.

I was completely right about Lindsey still being a pot-head and coming off as a bitch, but for most of the weekend it was fine, we managed to handle it. Overall it was a nice weekend away from the city I live in, knowing I wouldn't run into anyone I knew or be reminded of anything unpleasant.

The best part of the entire trip was when Chelle and I went to church last night. It was the most beautiful cathedral I have ever been in. I was completely in awe. Plus, it was nice because for once we weren't with Danny so we could practice being Catholic without a real Catholic there knowing we weren't technically Catholic. If that made any sense. I was dying to go to church more than anything, after thinking about him all week and spazzing.

We were still a little sketchy from last night, and decided to take a few hits on the ferry home today just for the hell of it. Smoking pot on the ferry was the biggest trip ever, and it made it all go by so incredibly fast. So that was pretty weird. We also brought back quite the amount of island weed, so I'm a little worried about the weeks to come. I know I shouldn't be doing this and probably screwing myself over for my final exams, but this upcoming season is making me so anxious that I want to all the time, just to take my mind off of it. Or at least to calm the hell down.

Sigh.

Sarah e-mailed me on the weekend, and now I am worried about her. It was one of the e-mails where you just get the feeling from it that she's hiding something, or that she's calling out for help in not so many words, you know? She started off just bitching about how she was procrastinating doing a history paper, and then blurted out "I think I am depressed". So that caught my sketched-out attention pretty fast. She then went on for just a couple sentences about how she likes school, but has no idea what she wants to be or where she's going, and then said, "Well, enough babbling about my life" and changed the subject. And then at the very end said something about how maybe she needed a kitten like me (I got a kitten when I was super depressed last year) and how much she loves me and thanks for always being there for her, even though we're so far away now. It was definitely a change of pace from the usual Sarah.

It's interesting to watch everyone and yourself go to hell after high school.

Once I got to Victoria I didn't really want to meet a boy anymore. After seeing Lindsey and hanging out for a while, it all sunk in again, and I remembered what really mattered - my girl friends. We had some good long talks, did each other's hair and make-up, drank a little, smoked a little, laughed a lot. There are some people you just know will always be your friend, no matter what happens. Even if you lose touch with them, they'll be a part of your life forever...and there's nothing you can do to prevent your paths from crossing again.


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