I thought I was going to lose my mind about five different times today, but somehow I came out of it all in one piece and I actually finished reading all of Chapter 4 and 11 for both Psych tests, so that was an accomplishment. I still have the statistics appendix and all of chapter 16 though. During my two hour break I stayed at school and forced myself down to the basement of the library, where I sat in my cubicle and read a dense textbook the entire time. Mind you, I fell asleep for about four minutes, but I think I deserved a four minute break. I just couldn't help it, my sweatshirt was so warm and soft and as I read I kept leaning forward, and then I propped up my chin with my palm, and then gradually layed my head down on my arm...and then all I could think about was sleep...

I had this sick dream last night about my brother finding Ryan and I having sex in my car, which was parked right in front of my house. Lovely.

Here is something that will always boggle my mind - whenever I take the time to wear something nice and look pretty, it seems like nobody notices, and then when I'm in a rush in the morning and I look and feel like crap, guys always seem to look at me. I didn't get much sleep last night and was super rushed this morning, so I went to school in old jeans, my field hockey sweatshirt and Scott's white Yankees cap (which I stole because it fits me and I admit, I think I look cute in it). And I was wearing a bit of makeup but still, I otherwise thought I looked like a tired slob - and it seemed as if all day guys kept turning their heads. I thought I was just crazy and didn't think anything of it until I was sitting in my car after school waiting to turn left outside the front entrance. The window was down all the way and I was leaning against it a bit, twirling a piece of my hair, when two guys whistled at me in the span of like, 3 minutes. It's like some sort of alternate universe. Maybe I should always look like crap. For that matter, to hell with taking an hour to get ready in the morning - I should just go to school in my pajamas.

Or maybe I really am crazy.

I'm itching to call Michelle because I have a hundred and one questions I'm dying to know the answer to, but I think it's good for me to not see or talk to her for a couple days. I know she'll want to go out sometime this week and I really cannot afford to, unless I want to kiss UBC buh-bye before October even begins.

I'm already exercising a theory I learned in Psychology this year, having to do with motivation and emotion. I'm testing myself to see if I am truly in need of real coffee, or if it is simply all in my head - I only feel awake after drinking coffee because the fact is ingrained in my mind that coffee helps me stay awake. I am drinking decaffienated coffee right now and seeing if just the taste and mindset "this is coffee" will actually have the same effect on me as regular coffee does.

I didn't really think about Cody at all today...I keep thinking about Ryan.

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