I just talked to Cody on the phone for more than 2 seconds. It lasted about 3 mintues. He says he's been busy and he can't see me tomorrow. He can't see me all of next week. He doesn't know, maybe he can't see me for the rest of the month, who knows? He just "doesn't know". I told him, but you told me before that this month we'd have time to see each other more, and you could think about things...and he said, "I guess I was wrong". Today I took out a book called "How To Mend a Broken Heart: Letting Go and Moving On". Shannon and Lindsey kept shoving books in my face, books about self-improvement. I know they just care about me, but it didn't exactly make me feel good to have them say, "Here, take this one!" - a book about how to build self-esteem and have healthy relationships. I guess my friends really do think I'm messed up.
I also took out "Chicken Soup for the Unsinkable Soul", a collection of short stories all about inspiration and courage and never giving up. Both of the stories I've read under the section The Power of Love brought me to tears. I think I will send in a couple of my short stories someday. I'm going to try and get published. I think that would make me feel very, very good.
I've done my crying for the day. After we hung up (I didn't even say 'I love you' like I always do), I just leaned against my bed and cried into my comforter for a few minutes. Then I screamed and threw a pillow off my bed. Then I came on here to vent.
Where are the nice guys on this earth? Do nice guys even exist? I'm beginning to think that boys have hearts made of stone, that is unless they want (or are getting) sex.
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