Today I got my mind off of him (and the recent chaos surrounding us) by working my ass off. For eight hours I cleaned the entire store top to bottom, tagged boxes and boxes of new stock, resized every rack and organized our entire filing system, all while selling over a thousand on my own. I am superwoman from hell.

When Deborah asked me to draw the pain in my chest months ago, I drew an elaborate picture of a deep, black hole surrounded by oozing pus, blood, and interconnecting arteries and veins. Blues, purples, reds and blacks, with the very center of the hole bursting with more purples and a bright yellow. She told me later that my colour choices were very interesting, because purple and yellow both represent the spirit and soul in psychology. I had chosen to place my soul deep down in the very center of my pain and depression. So I guess I never did lose myself. I was always there, wasn't I?

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