Kevin is gorgeous. He and I...we're going places. We hooked up hardcore tonight, and more will come later on, I know. He's so good looking. We have nothing in common, personality-wise, but he's a good fuck. I can't believe I'm writing this. There's nothing better than writing in your diary when you're drunk.

My parents are going away on Friday and I told him he could stay over when I have a party. I also told Cody he could stay over. Not that Cody will of course, but...shit. I feel so bad right now. I want Cody so much; I'm only trying to get my mind off of him, occupy my time with other guys, but in the end it doesn't change a single thing. Cody is still the guy I want to be with. But he won't be with me. I know I should only be with guys that WANT me, but...Cody =*( God...I wish we could just get back together.

I would die if Cody was with any other girl, yet I could easily fuck Kevin if it worked out that way. The thing is, I have zero feelings for Kevin on any serious level. Sure, I'm attracted to him physically, but we could never make it as anything more than a booty call. We truly have nothing in common. We're just two people who want each other's asses bad. And that's all there is to it.

Shannon got with Kevin last weekend and he called Kate the next day, saying that he didn't know why he did that, because he really wanted to be with me. I find that so weird. I don't really get why he has a thing for me, but hey, I've liked him since the 11th grade, so...I'm for it. I suppose I need to screw at least one other guy in my lifetime. I'd die if Cody was ever with anyone else, but...as long as we're together in the end...

I'm so pathetic. I'm just a mess. I say I love Cody, but then how can I do this with Kevin? Actually, I know how. Right now, all I'm doing is waiting. Waiting...and waiting. Cody rejects me, says that he doesn't know what will happen in August. I would absolutely die and go to heaven if we could be together in August, but for now...I can't commit myself to him forever. I don't even know what the future holds. I love Cody so much, and I do feel bad doing this, but...I just don't know what the hell to do anymore.

He says that I can do whatever I want, he doesn't care...yet when I tell him I love him, he'll bring up, "well you got with guys in Mexico...". I think he really does care, he just doesn't want to say it. And I understand that.

I don't think he'll know about Kevin anyway. Everyone there swore that whatever happened at FP would stay there. I trust them. I just don't know what to do right now.

I think this signifies the very first PISSED drunk entry I've ever had. I believe I've written a couple when I was high....but never this drunk.

You have no idea how long it took me to write/correct this. To drinking!


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