My last pill will be taken tonight. After that I will be medication-free and I will be in the world alone for the first time in almost a year. Without drugs to keep my brain numb, without the comfort of a prescription bottle at my bedside to sooth my nightmarish fears. I try not to think of what will happen to the person I have become on drugs. Will I change? Will I be exactly the same? Is this person I am now a complete figment of medication? I had just become comfortable in this new skin. I had been so lost at the beginning, so utterly frightened of the new person I was, but now I have found refuge in my new self. I am not ready to be thrown back into the chaos and expected to find myself again.

I truly think that friendship is the most essential element to living. The connections I have made with people in the last year have become inescapable. The bonds will last forever, and are so pure that it is almost indescribable. I am forever in debt to people who helped pull me through times I thought I wouldn't and couldn't live through.

I'm so dizzy right now that I feel as if I'm flying through space. If I close my eyes I see flashes of every colour of the rainbow swirling in front of my eyes. I could be anywhere I want to be right now. I feel as if I've gone off the medicine already but I haven't yet...I wonder why I am so light-headed? Everything is slow motion today. I don't think I've spoken more than 5 words today. All I can hear is the soft click of the keyboard, the occasional chirp of the birds outside, and the sound of the breeze blowing the leaves on the trees. I think I could listen to wind forever. When I was a child I thought the wind was like magic, because you could hear it, you could feel it, but you could never, ever see it.

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