I loved you all so much / Please don't forget that / I'm sorry I wanted attention / I'm sorry for any pain this may cause a select few / I know I am smart / I know all of those things you'd tell me right now / I know why you think I should live / But that's not what I wanted to hear. / I wanted to hear, Krista, I love you. / You mean so much to me / Without you, I'd be lost / I love you / I love you / I'll always be here for you / You can call me anytime, no matter what / I'll always listen to you / And I'll always be here to hold you / You're my best friend / The best thing in my life / I wish I could see you right now / I wish I could hold you right now / I wish I could kiss you / And God, how I miss you

I wanted to hear how you missed me too / Because no one misses me / And when I'm gone, you still won't miss me, will you?

I loved you all so much / Please don't forget that / And I hope you'll live happy lives / I hope you get everything you ever worked for / I need to leave because it is my time / I'm not happy and I can't take it anymore / I can't get out of this maze I am stuck in / I tried, I really tried / But I have lost hope / But I'd like to think if you were stuck in here you'd lose your hope too

Please don't tell me reasons why I should live / Just tell me you love me / Tell me you love me / That you love to hold me / That you love to kiss me / That you miss me / Just as I miss you

I want you to tell me that you love me / But you don't / You didn't / And I can't wait any longer thinking you will / A thousand knives slice into my chest / Rip open the seams I'd sewed together mishappenly / Slowly oozing / I ooze out / I ooze out...

Don't tell me reasons why I should live / And don't think I didn't try / Because I went to school wanting to die / I lived alone among cruel people, wishing I were dead / I got out of bed wishing I'd died in my sleep / And I went to the doctor / And I took months' worth of pills / And I drove half an hour to see a therapist / And I work, and I walk, and I move and I eat. / I ate when I felt I'd throw up every morsel / Or when I simply wanted to turn my stomach inside out / I stayed alive for eight months feeling like this / So don't ever think I didn't try.

Before I go I'll tell you a few things that mean nothing. / Going to school at SFU was the hardest thing in the world for me to do / To roll out of bed after 2 hours of sleep / No food in a week / Stomach hurt so bad / Eyes are swollen / God it hurts to open my eyes / And my hair is dull, my hair is falling out, my hair is breaking / My clothes feel awkward / And I'm dizzy, so dizzy / Walking past them was hell, those that I hated / People that when I looked at them / I burst into flames / Feel my wrists tied to the stake I was being burned on / I wanted to kill them / Strangle them / Wanted them to suffer / Because even then, they would not have felt half the pain I was feeling.

I always wondered how scared you were that night / I screamed at you and wanted to die / Cut my arms while on the phone with you / And did you want to hold me then? / I didn't think so

Please don't blame me for this, it's not my fault. / Some of it is. / But they say it's my brain / I just want out of this brain! / I want out of the way it clicks on and off / I want to be my old self / Before I had this brain disease / Before I lost you forever / Before we lived apart from each other most of the time / Before I secretly wished I could cut my arms / Take pills / Drift away into eternal slumber / Don't forget to take your pill, Krista...

Another thing that means nothing / Is that I really love children / I'd always dream about our babies / And I really loved singing, and dancing, and flowers / And I really like writing and reading / And I love to be held / I love to be protected / And I love pressing myself against you and feeling my lips against your skin / I know you hate that / And I won't ever do it again, now / Now that I'll be gone

I think I'm done now. / I loved you all so much (especially you) / You know who I'm talking to. / I loved you / I missed you / And I wanted to hold you, and kiss you / And you could have called me anytime, no matter what / And I would have listened to you forever / You were my best friend.

I think burning in hell will feel better than this. / I look forward to it, to escaping this brain!

Fire is fire is fire / I hope I forget you / I hope I'm reborn and I know nothing of you / Or this.

Goodbye, my love.

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