Easter, in my mind, has always been the most religious holiday in my life. Not that I ever celebrated it religiously really. When I was young I'd light the Lent candles at my Grandma's, but that is about it. I mean, it always seemed to feel the most religious. After I understood that the Easter bunny was a figment of imagination, the entire holiday began to have no purpose whatsoever.

Why do we give candy? Christmas gifts at least have some vague purpose. According to a book, Jesus was born and so we celebrate and rejoice and spend time with loved ones. Easter is more of a somber holiday than anything else. The Easter bunny and its damn chocolates don't fit into the picture in any fathomable way.

I don't even like chocolate that much. Yes, you heard me. It's true, I don't. Sure, I get my occasional cravings, but too much chocolate makes me wanna hurl.

You know how there are some foods you eat that you just feel gross about? You think to yourself, Uugh, this is so fatty and gross and it is probably going to stick to my hips like everything else. Chocolate is the only food that does that to me. The smell of it, the texture of it. The way it melts in your mouth into a creamy goo and slides down your throat and it's so sweet and dark and...if I describe any more I think I'm going to have to run to the bathroom and regurgitate that Purdy's sucker I just knawed at.

It's disgusting, really. I prefer candies anytime, and my dear mother bought me a bag of jelly beans from Purdy's half-price at the mall today, so I am quite content with that.

I feel so sick now. Chocolate is probaby oozing into my veins and arteries, sticking to the walls and invading every cell in my body. Chocolate reminds me of Swamp Thing, or some other slimy monster that rises out of sloppy goo, dripping and oozing. It'll swallow you whole if you get too close.

My final analysis of the Easter holiday is that I'd be better off without it. It doesn't affect my school anymore, so it's not as if I got a special 4-day weekend. I don't appreciate chocolate being shoved in my face, and I feel uncomfortable having a lush dinner and "celebrating" something I don't even believe happened.

I go to church on Christmas Eve not because I feel I have to. I just really love the music.

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