The weather is so gloomy. I started to cry at school.

Why does that bloody University insist on sending me as much crap as they possibly can? So today I get another great big envelope in the mail, this one from "Simon Fraser University Ceremonies Office". Right off the bat I knew it was trouble, but I had to sneak it into my shirt right away in fear of my parents huddling around the usual SFU mail and harrassing me until I finally open it. So I drove to school the entire way and finally, I parked where I usually do, and took a moment to observe my surroundings. Grey sky, pouring rain, already 5 minutes late for class, Miss Saigon lyrics blasting on my player - Please, don't you see, that's all I live for? I have him and nothing more. At night, everything that's not him disappears behind my door - so I opened it. A lovely certificate congratulating me as a recipient of the Summit Entrance Scholarship. Apparently, that invitation they sent me a few months ago did have a purpose - I was actually recieving an award.

I wonder how long it will take the idiots there to figure out that I no longer go to that school - in fact, I almost dropped out, and I lost that scholarship anyway. My name is in the fucking ceremony program. What am I supposed to do with all this shit? Should I keep it? Burn it? It's a nice award. I can't look at it without my eyes filling with tears. Maybe I should mount it proudly on my wall, so I can think to myself every day,

See, you really were smart in high school! You got this scholarship! Too bad you had a breakdown and don't go to University anymore!

Like I don't think that every day already.

I wish I could call the University, tell them, could you please stop sending me notices and propaganda? I happened to have attempted suicide at your school and everytime I see an envelope with your return address on the top, I think of my ex-boyfriend and how worthless my life is now. Thanks.

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