Head is throbbing, body is exhausted. Feel so weak that forcing my hands to move over these keys is a strenuous activity. What is wrong with me, why can't I sleep? Again, I didn't fall asleep last night until almost 4 am.

Therapy wasn't very therapeutic today, in fact it only riled up an enormous amount of anger inside of me. All that hate that envelops my heart just released itself again. I have so much anger inside of me. I hate her. I hate her so much. I am so angry at so many people, and I just wish they knew how badly they have affected my life. I wish they knew what they've done, and I wish someone would apologize to me. I wish someone would tell them, even Hey, did you know you made Krista try to kill herself? Just to let ya know... I think I've spent my life apologizing for myself and other people's mistakes and I have never received one in return. I hate how people are so goddamned selfish. I hate how almost everyone I know has absolutely no idea how lucky they are to be loved, and how lucky they are to have not gone through what I have. I wish I could just kill her, but that would be too easy. I'd rather torture her first, a long grueling torture, have her crying and screaming and feeling all the pain I have felt over the past 6 months. I want her to feel it. I want her to beg me for forgiveness, and of course I will never, ever forgive her, so she will just have to die but at least she died knowing she is a bitchy little whore who deserves everything she had coming.

I can feel the tears burning behind my eyelids and I just want to scream at her and make her realize how much I truly wish she were dead, but unfortunately I can't.

So many people I realized didn't care about me at all. So many betrayed me. So many just really could not understand what I was going through and decided to back away, to not care, to let me be crazy because who wants a friend who is crazy, right? I hate them so much, I hate everyone who ever pretended to be my friend and then abandoned me when I needed them the most. I hate the people who made promises to me and didn't keep them. I hate the injustice.

I hope some day that everything will come back to them twofold. I hope they will realize what pain they have caused me, and her, especially her, I hope justice serves and she rots in hell feeling my worst pain for the rest of eternity.

words spit into a porous wind - violence blows you in - if youre in the way - mine a victim of the cold parade - silenced some might say - guess it came too late

dragged me out - frightened by my nakedness - fouled by my own sweet smell - i know hate

and it brings me comfort - then it breaks my back - precious pulls me under - till i cant get back - and you might be sorry - but this time i know

places fought for left alone - sleep cant save me numbing - drags me out - in my nakedness - in my own sweet smell - i know i know i know - HATE


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