My head is swirling in a million different directions and I feel as if I'm going to either puke or faint or burst into tears. I hate days like this; I'm not even hungry. I'm just...nothing. I'm lost in some sort of alternate universe where everything is upside down and back and forth and not a single thing in the world makes sense...What a perfect day to spend time with Cody!
I'm nervous about being alone with him, and it is sort of silly really. I dated him for 2 years. He is (was?) my best friend. He knew me better than anyone...but now I am getting that sick nervous feeling of going on a date for the first time. Not that it's really a "date" though I would like to call it that. I don't know what is going to happen. I know it will end up in me crying my eyes out though, and I will most likely write another entry later tonight when I want to die.
Today has been one of those days where I just don't see the point in living. What do I exist for? To wake up late and skip school, work all day on a present for a guy I love with all my heart and who doesn't love me back, and now I feel so faintly sick I think I am going to pass out tonight...and I'm setting myself up for a situation I know will end with me screaming and crying. What the fuck.
I had dreams last night of being in some whacked out biology class, where everyone was conducting these creepy paranormal experiments on animals and stuff. Cody was in it somehow of course, but the only part I remember about him was him sleeping in my bed and me sleeping on the floor on a foamy mattress. Oh and we were drinking too - red wine. Ooh la la.
That reminds me, if I don't hand in my 4 weeks worth of late French homework soon I am going to fail that class.
Figures.
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