Nov. 21, 1998,

Wow, I haven't written in here for quite awhile...Well guess what? I'm going out with this guy Cody Callon, a guy from my school! Since Nov. 17, so it hasn't even been a week yet, hehe. He's soo cute...I can't believe it, this is the first time in my life that I've liked a guy a lot, and wanted him to be my boyfriend, and he's actually liked me back...

Jan. 19, 1999

Hi! Guess what, I am still dating Cody. We just had our two month anniversary on the 17th. Is it possible to be in love after only two months? We went to an Italian restaurant (he paid :)) and it was sooo nice...he brought me 2 roses too, one for each month...I love Cody so much. Do you think he's the guy for me? What exactly is "love"? How do you know if you're in love? So many questions. We say "I love you" to each other but I don't know if I'm really in love...if I am, then that is incredible. Finally, after all of these years of aching to be in love...I am. It's an amazing feeling, indescribable really. I can't wait to start a scrapbook about him so I can put all of his notes and stuff in there, along with the flowers he has given me that I have pressed.

Jan. 31, 1999

Things with Cody are so, so good. I can't believe how perfect our relationship is. Last night I went the furthest I've ever gone with him (well, with any guy, that is). We were making out and I was in my bra and he took off his shirt too. It was so nice, I loved him kissing my chest and stomach. It felt sooo good, I wanted him so bad. It was unbelievable. I REALLY wanna do that again tonight, haha. I think this is probably the most erotic entry I have! And it's not all that erotic...how sad ;) . The point is, we went further than ever before and I loved it and I love him and it was perfect and he is perfect. I love Cody so much. I am so, so, so, so happy. I know him and I will be together forever. He's told me before he wants to marry me, and we're getting rings for our 3 month anniversary...God I love Cody.

actual diary entries are longer, these are just excerpts

I have so much I could do today but I haven't done anything yet. I went running and felt like I was going to die. Had dreams last night of being with Cody, and at first Kate was a friend of mine, but at the end I wanted to kill her again. I hate that name. I had any name with the word "Kate" in it. I used to want to name my daughter Caitlyn, but that is a definite NO now. Can't stand the sound of the word. Can't stand curly hair either. I'm never going to try and curl my hair again, uugh.

Little things plague me. I keep thinking about the beginning of school when I KNEW Cody liked her, and I didn't like Kate right from the start. I missed him so badly when he was in Whistler, and I wanted to spend time with him, so on the day we FINALLY got to be alone, and he was with me in my room, he a) said she had a nice ass and b) when he saw her outside he ran out on to my porch to say hi, then he ran downstairs and talked to her for 20 minutes, leaving me alone in my room.

I hate that bitch.

I need to paint a picture now. Of her death. It'll be a good one. I'm getting images of her hanging from a noose right about now...face blue and puffy and eyes bulging with fear, cord wrapped around her neck leaving deep red burns...

I'm a sick kid.


<< || >>