...today it snowed and I remembered how Cody said once I was so pretty with snowflakes in my hair...

Now it is raining and I'm not pretty anymore, I'm just a soggy, limp-haired girl with water on her cheeks and a bewildered expression on her face.

Went to Carmen's in between our classes and ate cake her mom had just made. Carmen's mom was previously married to an alcoholic, but she loved him and was in denial about the fact he really had problems. She ignored it and ignored it until one day he fell from a balcony drunk and died.

She knows all about me being depressed and missing Cody and she really understands it. I love Carmen's mom, and I love her Irish accent. She's a cool mom. Boy I wish I had a cool mom. One that actually understood things. My mom doesn't understand anything. Actually she's pretty stupid. I'm sorry to say that but it's true, she doesn't know a lot.

That is why I want out of this house.

I used to hate to assume things so I'd come right out and ask people if I ever wanted to know something. Now I have no problem assuming things. I figure I'd rather hold my own little grudges against people with assumtions that are most likely true rather than cause a scene and spazz out on people like I used to, and just get myself into more trouble than it's worth. I have so many grudges against people, some that have lasted over 2 years. And I don't have any intention of trying to get over it. It's not that I think about them all the time and it makes me angry. I've just accepted the grudge. It's there, and I'm fine with it.

Maybe that's why some of the people I care about don't give me the time of day - they have those similar kinds of grudges against ME. It's possible. But I somehow doubt it. I just think that some people I know are arrogant SOB's.

I need to associate with new people.


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