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quick thoughts.
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Jan. 28, 2001 12:30 pm
Had vivid dreams last night again. I won't go into detail, but the one I remember most, I was shopping for shoes and I was so angry because the ones I wanted only came in Men's sizes, and they used to have Women's ones but they were discontinued. I was supposed to be going to my class because I had an exam in Psych (this was at SFU, and I don't even take Psych?), but anyways, while I was in the little set-up shoe store Cody walked by in a red-orange sweater and he had a red-orange diamond earring in his left ear. It looked so, so bad and I told him so. So anyway, we started to walk to class and my cat kept following us, and I was so scared he was going to fall into the pond (I think it was supposed to represent the pond in the AQ at SFU)...so we kept trying to distract my cat so we could leave and it wouldn't follow us...and then I sat down on a stool, and Cody came over to me and hugged me. It felt so, so good...and he whispered, "This is how I want to be" and I was like, "Me too" and I leaned my head into his shoulder and kissed his neck and everything was so, so perfect.But anyway... I was thinking last night about trust. I don't think there is one single person you can truly trust, ever. There's that saying that the only person you can trust is yourself, but I really can't trust myself. I could say right now that I won't call Cody and I won't cry to him and I'll get better, but as soon as I'm in the situation my emotions control my body and I just can't bear to NOT cry and NOT pout to him...I can't even trust myself. I can't make goals for myself because I know I will break them. It's kind of depressing to think that there isn't a person on this earth that is completely sincere in thought, word and deed. "Your future is as boundless as the lofty heaven." and "The last wish you made will come true." My fortune cookies from last night. If only you could trust fortune cookies... I am so hungry I feel as if I'm going to faint. So I'll go get something to eat. Maybe I'll write more later.
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