Waking up, I thought of you, the bed is too large and too warm and a million times too comfy to be unshared. Getting dressed, I thought of you, stumbling downstairs stretching my arms and back and searching for some tea, you were there on my mind.

The bus ride downtown, mixed with the mistings of snow coming off of the rooftops when the wind blows up there. It hasn't snowed in a couple weeks, but every time I see any around, I think of packaging it up- silver wrapping, red trim and a smaller red bow on top, but I never do because by the time I brought it to you, it would have melted.

I walked around the tall buildings down there, more snow drifting from the roof tops. Dave Matthews Band's Crash started playing on my headphones and I lost my breath.

I really think that you're the one. And if I had a chance to look into your eyes, I'd tell you then and there too."

I love this excerpt from Doug's diary. http://doug.diaryland.com

You know you're a loser when you have time to write in your online diary more than once a day. Sorry if I just offended anyone. Besides myself that is.

It's pouring rain outside. All I can think of is him, and what he's doing right now. I imagine he's making dinner, or thinking of making it. Or maybe he has gone out to dinner with friends, since he hasn't seen some of them in a while.

I am wrapped up in my La Senza bathrobe. So warm and fuzzy. Just got out of the shower and it's 7 pm. I waste my days away now, sleeping through most of the daylight and then sitting in front of the computer screen. I snack on unhealthy things and mope around, thinking of Cody.

I can hear the wind blowing through the trees outside. I'm always worried that one day a strong windstorm will knock down the tree in the backyard and crash through my window. It could happen.

I like bad weather because it reflects my usual moods. Like my inner toil is finally released into nature. They can deal with pain out there - wind blowing, rain falling, waves crashing. It can be sad, angry or outrageously violent. I can let the weather talk for me.

What pisses me off is when all that pain and anger is inside me, and the sky remains a calm, crystal blue.

Screw Mother Nature.

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