I am waiting for my parents to get out of the rec room so that I can watch my movie. I had to rent two movies. I wanted The Virgin Suicides, but I knew my parents would freak out and think "Oh my god, why is she watching something with the word suicide in it??" and they'd bug me about it. So I also rented Selena. I actually do want to see that movie, so it's okay. Just another ten bucks down the drain. I am going to be broke in a couple months, no joke. I need a job again.I'm so bored. I bought a slurpee and I intend on making some popcorn. I can't wait to watch my suicide movie. Why is it that when I'm sad I just want MORE sad stuff? I want sad movies, I want sad books, sad music. Feed sadness with more sadness. I guess I know that in some way I will be able to relate to it. No matter what your motive is for killing yourself, the fact still remains - you want to kill yourself. Whether one person does it because his home life is bad, and another does it because she just can't live without her boyfriend, hey - you both felt like you had no way out, and you both lost hope, and you both felt as if there was nothing worth living for anymore.
I think suicide should be a right. Why make it illegal? It's not like you can do anything about it when you're dead. It sucks that your family won't get any of your life insurance though. You should have the civil RIGHT to commit suicide if that is what you want. It's your life - do what you want with it. People say that all the time...well, it's your hair, you should be able to dye it if you want. It's your money, spend it however you feel like. It's your test you're going to fail, not mine, so if you wanna screw up, then go for it. It's your life - if you want to die, then why shouldn't you be allowed? Not that the law is what is stopping me or anyone else. I'm just saying.
I wonder if Cody has read this yet?
I wanted to spend tonight with Cody. Our last night together for a long while. Instead I am at home, watching movies. He is probably at home, either in bed, or watching TV. If it were a normal night, before any of this shit happened, we would be at his house probably, watching TV together, cuddled up on the couch with blankets and cranberry juice. I'd be snuggled against him, my hand on his chest, and I could lift up my chin and kiss his neck if I wanted to, lay my head over his heart and hear it beating. I make myself sick missing him sometimes. I don't think this suicide movie is going to help.
I have to register for Langara tomorrow. I wonder how that will go.
HERE'S ONE MORE SPEECH YOU'D WISH I SWALLOW... (fiona)
~Kris
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