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a *good* Cody day!
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December 8, 2000 23:44:40
I had the best day with Cody today. First, I met him at SFU at 9am to study for English until 11:30. Then we had our English final at 12-2, and then afterwards we spent the next 45 mins or so hanging out on one of the couches and talking. God I love him and want him so bad. I couldn't stop touching him, so I kept making excuses about how I loved his fleece jacket and it was so soft. It was so, so good though...I am on Cloud 9...okay, I'm probably on like Cloud 7 or 8...Cloud 9 would mean that we were back together. We were flirting and joking and he even brought me my favourite kind of Chupa Chup in the morning! I can't believe he remembered to (because I had jokingly asked him to bring me one last night). Ahhhh. However when I asked him about "talking about things" he made a face, so I guess he still does not want to be with me. But on the OTHER hand, I said nice and softly, "I really wanna be with you...", and he said, "I know you do...I'm so busy...". That has now made me feel as if at least maybe he has feelings for me, and in another situation that he'd give it a chance, but it is just his schedule keeping him from having a girlfriend. So I said, "I can be patient...I am so much better now...you can see that..." and I think he really can. God I have got my hopes up again. But I know in my mind that the chances of it actually happening are not very good. I'd say a 20% chance we might get back together. Fuck fuck fuck.My medication is working so well, I can feel it. I cannot remember feeling this light. Or maybe it is the whole Cody thing. But the depression is still in me, and it resurfaces when it feels like it...I am not cured...maybe I will never be cured... Dawson's Creek is one in a minute...so I'm out...maybe I'll write more later... *one luv* ~Kris
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