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depression is oh so fun, aint it?
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November 28, 2000 02:48:33
I don't understand why this had to happen to me. What did I do wrong? Was it because I lost my faith for a while? So many teenagers lose their faith, though...and they don't go through all of the pain and suffering I do. I'm sorry God, I am so, so sorry for anything and everything I ever did to make you hate me. I will do whatever you want me to, I will pray every night, I will be a good girl. I promise. If only you'll lift this disease off of me and let me be happy again. Please let me free of all of this pain. God, I know I ask for Cody every night, but you don't even have to bring him back. Just my happiness, in whatever form it may come in. It doesn't have to be him. Anything, God. If I could somehow repent my sins, whatever they are. What are my sins? I have too many to count. I am so, so stupid. I fucked up my own life. Everyone makes mistakes, right? Right. Mine are just really big, really serious, and I feel like I just want to die right now...God, if I kill myself will I still go to heaven? Will I still be an angel? I want to be an angel for my brother, and for Cody. I want to be with the angels more than anything. Anything to escape this living hell. I am like Sylvia Plath. The writer who committed suicide. She was amazing. A depressed novelist and poet, who killed herself quietly and selflessly after her husband left her. Time ticks away, my life ticks away, more seconds and minutes and hours and days are spent unhappy. I think I have cried more tears in the last three months than the average person does in a lifetime. Another short entry. Show me the meaning of being lonely...what a stupid lyric. Bye. ~Krista
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