We were friends in Grade 9. Really good friends, actually. There was always something between us, but when I was that young I was too naive and ignorant to realize it. I went through my Grade 10 bitch-stage and basically disowned her cuz I thought I was hot shit. Now that we have a class together I've realized how awesome she is.

She is so deep and thoughtful. We have completely similar interests. We could talk for hours without getting bored or running out of things to say. We have an extremely similar outlook on life. She is a great listener, and she always responds with something so thoughtful and understanding. Her relationship with her boyfriend and mine are so similar it scares me. She responds to certain situations just like me.

Then, she has her own distinct personality. She's creative. She can turn any boring thing into something interesting, fun, and totally personal. She's reflective and intuitive.

I've never really met someone like her before. I mean, of course I love my best girl friends - Shan, Lindsey, Nevada, Sarah. If Sarah is like that anymore, who knows. But that's a different story. But my point is, Michelle is different. I can have deep conversations with those girls, but they last about 5 minutes. With Michelle, we both totally open up. She's always there, and she always listens.

The girls in my creative writing class are different. We're special or something. There is something between us that is different than what is between any of my other friends. Me, Nev, Carmen and Michelle. We talk all class, mostly about our childhoods. We talk a lot about what we would change about ourselves and our past if we could go back to Grade 8. We talk about what we've learned about ourselves, and how we think about things. Today, we talked about how much we've grown up, and what it will feel like on the last day of school. The very last day we'll be in highschool. I got tears in my eyes just thinking about it. I'm starting to cry now just thinking about it. All I can think about is English and how I'll never be in Ms. Tyre's classroom ever again. I learned the most I've ever learned about myself in that classroom.

We talked about what we really want to do with ourselves in the future. Carmen wants to travel; she wants to see the world. She wants to live in Africa for a while, then Ireland, and some other places - she wants to try out different places until she finds somewhere she belongs. Me and Michelle both feel exactly the same - like we are way too eager to settle down and have kids. I want to see the world, but I want to get married. I want babies. I know I will jump into all of that too early, and then I'll never get to do what I really want to do. I want to see Europe, but my parents wouldn't like that. We figured that's the difference between all of us. It all comes down to our parents. Carmen has travelled with her family since she was little. Her parents totally believe in seeing the world and experiencing everything you can before you settle down. My parents want me to go to university, get a job. They don't want me "wasting" my time and money when I could be in school.

Me and Shannon were walking home from softball a couple weeks ago, and we were talking about all of this too. About how our parents really do shape our lives. We are the way we are because of our parents. It's actually really scary.

Shannon has always been really easy going. Her parents have been free with her. They've taught her not to judge and to give everyone a chance. They've been totally nonchalent and free with her - she's never had restrictions or been really worried about. We figured that is why she and Dan are the way they are. They're not super attached because that's not the way she was brought up. She doesn't need a guy to always pay attention to her. She was brought up to be independent.

Me, on the other hand, I'm the opposite. My parents have been protective over me since I was a baby. I've always been not allowed to do things. I've always been under my parents wing. I was spoiled rotten when I was little and I probably still am. I've always depended on someone else to take care of things for me - basically, I've been waited on hand and foot. So what do I look for in a guy? Someone to protect me, to pay attention to me, to always be there. My relationship is the way it is because I need that kind of dependence. It was the way I was brought up. It's frightening what a powerful effect parents really do have on their children.

I've never reflected more on my past than I have this Grade 12 year. Everyone I talk to agrees - it seems like every class, all we do is talk about our childhood, and everything else that has happened up until this year. I'm at a weird stage right now. I feel like I am too old to be in high school, but too young to be in University.

Shannon asked me an interesting question yesterday. She said, "What does it feel like to be turning 18 on Friday?". I responded with, "Well, I'm getting my belly button pierced this weekend maybe!" and she just rolled her eyes, smiled, and said, "I knew something like this was coming". Rebellion. I have never rebelled once in my entire life. Unless you consider sleeping over at Cody's and lying about it rebelling. I guess it kinda is. But isn't. I think it'd be rebelling if they'd specifically said, "No sleeping at Cody's" and I'd gone anyways. I've always been such a goody goody. Not that that's a bad thing, that's just who I am. I'm okay with it. If anything, I want my little girl to be a goody goody too. So she'll go through a snobby stage in life, oh well. I think it will make her a better person in the end. Maybe she'll be like me and never wanna try pot or anything else that will kill her brain cells and make her dumber.

I should get going and write something for my portfolio. I want to write an essay. Maybe I'll write about Michelle for my Topic of Choice. I love narrative essays about friends, because I have so much to say. I started to write a narrative about Sarah for English last year and I couldn't get through it cuz I was crying! So I wrote some bullshit lie about something else instead.

"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may think aloud." -Ralph Emerson (1803-1882)

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