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*i'm letting ophelia die*
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April 30, 2000 20:20:33
La-dee-da...I'm bored...was supposed to go see a movie with Cody tonight, but then I didn't feel like it, for some reason. I don't know why. Just didn't. I've been so mad lately. Cody is all pissed cuz my job makes it even harder for us to see each other, but what the hell it's not all my fault, I mean, he's the one who has track 6 days a week. I told him fine, whatever, I'll quit if that's what you want, but then he's like, no, no...it's so dumb...parents are pissing the hell out of me...everyone is on my case...Shannon says my bathing suit is "skanky", oh I'm so sorry it's not what you wear at least I don't wear neon pink. Fuck. Stupid bitch. I'm sick of her saying that everything I like is slutty. It's like, thanks...you know what...there's a reason I like to dress like that, I'm not gonna get into it now, but whatever, fuckin' little miss perfect...she hates when like, me and Lindsey and whoever else complain about our bodies and stuff, or when me and Sarah used to all the time, she'd always roll her eyes and be like "stop complaining" and stuff, well what the fuck does she expect, why would SHE complain, she's fucking perfect and pretty and all the guys think she's hot and she's always been like that ever since we were little. She's just like her mom whether she wants to be or not, her mom is forever commenting on other girls and their flaws, and it's so offensive, I remember this time we were at the mall and Shannon was trying something on, and I said it looked good, and her mom was like, "Oh, well everything looks good on Shannon" or something like that...I was soo insulted...you had to be there I guess...the tone she used just totally implied, yeah, YOU couldn't wear that. It's like, hello, can't you understand why we complain and you don't? Cuz you've never had a problem getting guys, you're always complimented, guys are ALWAYS commenting on you, someone ALWAYS likes you....everyone says you're pretty. There's reasons we don't feel good enough. I wish she'd understand that. I'm sick and tired of being called skanky and slutty. I'm sick of everyone, I'm sick of everything. I wish I was someone else.Cody's fuckin pissing the hell out of me. I can't handle this anymore. He's like, overreacting about every single little thing. It's so, so annoying. I know I do it all the time too, but right now with him doing all this shit I feel like I just can't take it. It's so annoying. I just want to smack some sense into him. Just cuz I don't see him for like, one day, he's all freaking out like it's the end of the world. Fuck. I'm just so angry right now. I had a really, really bad week. I handed in a shitty portfolio, all this Raph and Kev shit, I did sooo bad on my Bio test. I did good on my History quiz though, I got 9/10. That's sweet, considering Mr. Bucifal's marks are so jacked up that one little quiz is worth like, 40% of our mark. FUCK Cody! Fuck. He's like, you don't care about me at all, I feel like you don't care about me, I feel like you don't love me, FUCK THIS FUCK THIS FUCK THIS FUCK because I didn't see him for this weekend and then because I didn't get like, all crying because I missed him he thinks I don't even care. I do care about him, of course...I love him. But you know what, I DON'T care that I didn't see him for one day. I don't. I'm not gonna get upset about it. Because I'm having a lot of problems with my parents and whatever the hell else right now that I'm not going to break down in tears just because I don't get to see him for one day. I'm not THAT fucking dependant on him. Fuck this. I need to get away from all this fucking bullshit. I hate everyone, I hate myself, I hate my life. I hate everything.
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